No need for gold. I'm fine with silver(ware).
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApologeticKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What is magnificent without silver?

Mnificent

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are silver haired characters so badass?

Because they are β€œAg”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ifrad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What’s silver and bad for your penis?

Scissors

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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I married my wife for her looks

Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

Thanks for the silver ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelleskaTROn-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown

So you can start the New Year off on the right foot

Edit: Thanks for the silver

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crustydog19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
In the movies, silver bullets can kill werewolves.

In the military, it's used for analyzing heat casualties.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships...

I took gold, silver and bronze.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Hope that job doesn’t suck
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groovemonkeyzero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you kill a werewolf with silver bullets, how do you kill a vampire?

Hallow points.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymouthpiece
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If you find gold in Australia, where do you look for silver?

Agstralia.

πŸ‘︎ 844
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I once won silver for curling and bronze for the Bob

...yet hairdresser of year still eludes me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory

I’ll beheading there shortly

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jk72788
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do racecar drivers put their seats all the way back?

They need plenty of

KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Edit: Thanks for the silver, friends! You sure know how to make a feller feel stellar

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnnyfender
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up ...

They'd be alloys!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.

At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.

They are alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Gloopy substance leaves hotel

Oozer name checks out

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Which country is famous for its silver?

Argent-ina

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts

It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts!

Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedRocketMan_Y
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Silver Surfer say when blasted with hydrogen gas?

AgHHHHHHHHHHHH..

I'll show myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiradzim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
"Do you prefer silver or gold?"

Oh, either ore.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herurumeruru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What was Long John Silver doing in a bank ?

... checking his balance

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a werewolf cry out when shot with a silver bullet?

oh the Ag ony!!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thattiredbisexual
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__just_a_boi__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a silver dollar, but then my dog got a hold of it.

Now I have a bitcoin.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sublimiacures
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.

Son: what did the fig say to the table?

Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?

Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.

Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!

Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Quick, silver medal for this pun!
πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What is blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue.

Edit : Thanks for the silver and gold

Edit 2 : Wow that blue up

Edit 3 : I never type "thanks for the ..." line, but since silver is also a colour, I did.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MolecularPotato
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I have decided not to vaccinate my kids.

I believe it's best to let the doctor do it.

Edit: Thanks for the Silver :)

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffy_42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H2O_is_Great
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
This was served to me on a silver platter...

My friend is in the process of moving and was asked how the move was expected to go.

β€œIt should be pretty easy, I have very little furniture”

β€œReally? You’re kinda a big guy.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeventhShin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise does Long John Silver prefer?

Pirates.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The person at the hairdressers asked me, "Are you braiding that girl's hair whilst dyeing it silver?"

I said, "No, platinum"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you take somebody that has been injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?

The I.C.U.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?

He finally found the scoop he was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If the silver surfer and iron man teamed up, they'd be alloys!
πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If you find gold in Australia where do you look for silver?

Agstralia

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Iron Man and The Silver Surfer are teaming up for the next movie.

They will be alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I loudly drank some silver...

*Ag ag ag ag ag ag

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GGDominated
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up...

They formed an alloy-ence

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewtl271
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up...

They would be alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report

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