Rumor has it that I’ve been sentenced to the gallows.
Please collect me if I’m wrung.
My wife ran over someone , and was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment.
She got out after 5 years and I had to serve the remaining 5.
We always finish each others sentences.
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
My friend got sentenced to the guillotine
He couldn't face death head on
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of America’s national bird.
His actions were highly ill-eagle
Today they sentenced the infamous "Country, Rap, Gospel and Classical Music Killer" to death
He's going to get the eclectic chair.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Does femail fraud carry the same sentences as mail fraud, or is it about 80% of the time sentenced?
A judge recently sentenced a geologist's chauffeur to prison...
He was found guilty of trafficking miners.
Did you hear the one about the 95 year old man who was sentenced 25 minutes to life?
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
My dad keeps sneaking bird references into his sentences
Well, toucan play that game.
Stolen from Dad Jokes
When I was a child, I couldn't finish a sentence...
Doctors diagnosed me with Clausetrophobia
I hate people who use the same word twice in a sentence...
Teacher: "Use the word sugar in a sentence."
Student: "The tea is too sweet."
Teacher: "Where is sugar in the sentence?"
Student: "In the tea!!"
Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word "irony."
Try this :
I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
Teacher: Use the word oath in a sentence
Student: Mike Tyson eaths oaths for breakfasth every morning
Edit: made this up today, have merthy on my thoul
What is the sentencing when you get caught hunting illegally?
Murder in the first deergree
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
Teacher: Use the word ‘intermittent’ in a sentence.
I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.
I saw a linguist about my problem with putting periods where. they don’t belong in sentences
I suffer from premature punctuatio!n
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
If my toddler misbehaves I sentence him to an hour in the
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?
Me: Not today, Dad.
My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face
I use because, because, because is a conjunction.
I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
What do kids say after getting a phone call from someone older than them?
A man with a stutter died in prison
He never got to finish his sentence
To connect two sentences, what conjunction should I use, but or less?
Well, you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
You should never end a sentence with a preposition.
i got a prison sentence
i don't remember what it said.
Can't even what..? Finish the sentence...!!
What do you call a sentence that can hurt you ?
I was asked once about the meaning of the word ' inexplicable ' in a sentence..
..and found it very hard to explain.
What do you call a death sentence gone wrong?
Good concept, bad execution.
We should create a sentence for everyone
But I don’t know, judge for yourself
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?
Jewel thief with worlds worst stutter was jailed for 10 years yesterday...
A police spokesperson says it may take him up to 11 years to finish his sentence.
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
The world tongue twister champion just got arrested.
I heard they're going to give him a really tough sentence...
A man has been found guilty of using too many commas.
The judge told him to expect a long sentence.
I heard somebody died after reading a book
They were sentenced to death
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
