Row House Puns

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

A bloke has been feeling unwell, decides to go the doctor to get checked out.

Doctor: I'm afraid you've got a terminal illness, uncureable, only 200 or so people in the country have it.

Bloke: My god that's awful what's it called?

Doctor: I'm afraid to say sir, you've contracted Yellow 34

Bloke goes home to his wife, sitting in the kitchen all sad. Tells the wife: darling I've been to the doctor's, I have an illness called Yellow 34, it's uncureable and I'm really worried.

Wife: I'm so sorry darling but it sounds like nothing we can do Why don't you come to Bingo to take your mind off it?

@Bingo

Bloke wins 3 games in a row, full house every time, can't believe his luck. Goes up to collect his prize for the 3rd time.

Bingo caller: Sir, I've been calling number here for 15 years and never seen anything like it, you must be the luckiest person in the world.

Bloke: To be honest mate, I've had some bad news today, just came to Bingo to take my mind off it.

I've got Yellow 34.

Bingo caller: Fucking hell, you've won the bloody raffle as well!!

I was at my girlfriend's house a few weeks ago and her dad had just won two rounds in a row. He then yelled out "Call me butta!" and then waited a good few seconds before he said "'cause I'm on a roll."