I hired a pest control company and I think I got ripped off
My children are still here
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night
I met a pretty cool guy who fixed my ripped shirt.
I ripped my pants yesterday.
It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.
Edit: May or may not be based on real events.
My friend had the left side of his body ripped off in an accident.
But the doctor said he’ll be all right.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Why was the sock ripped?
he went to the gym regularly
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.
It just goes from Bad to Worse!
After years of obstructing my view, I ripped off the rearview mirrors on my car.
Since then, I haven't looked back.
Why are priests so ripped?
Because they're always exercising
Why does God look so ripped on all paintings?
Because he was the body builder.
last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me
Once my dad ripped two juuls at once and said...
"I have my juul citizenship"
What do you call a logger who's ripped?
All the comic books I inherited from my brother have their last page ripped off.
I have to draw my own conclusions.
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?
He had the right to bear arms.
I can’t believe a branch ripped our tent.
My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...
I ripped my shirt while watching Apollo XIII.
Houston, weave got a problem.
My 11 year old and I were at a grocery store. I got one of those flimsy bags to put peaches in. The bag ripped, my daughter laughed. I looked at her said oh no, I had a Bagcident. She stopped laughing.
Overheard heard from an honest to goodness dad in the airport: Oh no, I ripped my sock...
[To someone with ripped jeans] Did you go to church in those jeans?
Because they’re really holy
My friend lied about creating a cloth that can easily be ripped to remove sleeves...
It was a tearable fabrication!
I spent ages at the gym trying to get a ripped body
but it just ended up in tears.
Why was Jesus so ripped ?
What do you call it when you buy something on line from the Middle East and get ripped off?
What did the old, ripped rope say to the young strong rope when asked if it can still be used to tug a boat?
You hear about the guy who got his eye lid ripped off?
Luckily they were able to replace it using his foreskin. Only problem was he ended up a little cockeyed.
What do you call ripped magician?
My friend got so drunk one time, he ripped up all his car's upholstery...
Ripped the knee of my pants today. Guess ill be using them for church from now on..
Since they became holy and all.
/r/funny didn't appreciate this ripped guy I saw at Walmart
Ripped a candid one today
I went to a grocery store down the street for the sole purpose of getting a big bag of Chex mix. The cashier rang me up and said,
“You want a bag for that Chex mix?”
I replied, “that’s okay. It’s already in a bag”
He either didn’t get it or didn’t think it was funny but I was very pleased with myself.
A guy just ripped a piece of paper and made a joke about it...
What did the librarian say when they realised all the pages of animal farm were ripped out?
Kid, you ripped the paper
No, I properly ripped it.
I once knew a pen that drove a paper car which always seemed to be ripped.
He was a tearable Parker.
I ripped my Indian girlfriend's dress by accident
I told my girlfriend that I had ripped my pants. I shouted from the other room, "Honey, come check out this big ass hole in my jeans!"
She was not pleased to see me grinning and pointing at myself.
What did the paper say after it was ripped in half?
“Oh man, I feel tear-able”
There was a horrible accident in my town yesterday. A kid was playing with a yo-yo and it somehow got caught in a car's bumper. The car took off and ripped the poor kids arm off.
The driver was arrested for armed robbery.
Did you hear about the guy who got the entire left half of his body ripped off in a horrible accident at his factory job that he had to support his family, and now he might die, or even worse, become a brain dead vegetable that is only an economic burden on his already poor family?
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...
Don’t worry I’ll recover.
My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...
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