Til that a keyboard never rests.
Only because it has two shifts
Discussing foot rests at work
I was just talking with my co-worker about a foot rest he has under his desk and possibly elevating it to be more comfortable. He said "It even has feet on the bottom of it." Without missing a beat, I replied, "and feet on top too!"
Girlfriend rests after studying, inner dad makes an appearance
Girlfriend: I just finished reading a really thick chapter of copyright law. Let me take a break It was really heavy.
Me: Do you need a lighter?
I was at a rest stop washing my hands today when a guy walked into the bathroom and loudly said.
"so this is where all the butts hang out"
I believe i witnessed the birth of a dad joke.
He Sure Knows How to Rest in Peace
Rest in peace, boiling water.
Rest in peace Charlie Pride
But at least Charlie Envy, Greed, Sloth, Lust, Gluttony, and Wrath are all still alive.
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick the rest of the time..?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..
I freed a genie from his lamp, and the genie granted me a wish! So I wished that I could be happy for the rest of my life
And now I live with Snow White and six other dwarves in the forest...
And yes, I do have to tell them all to stop feeling me all the time.
They won't be serving beer for the rest of the year at Chicago Cubs baseball games.
I donated 4 liters of blood today. Never doing it again though. They ask way to many questions.
Who’s blood is this?
Where did you get it from?
Why do you have it?
When I get a restful sleep I wake up sad
At this stage I'm getting deep rest.
I asked my sister what exam she was having tomorrow.
She said, "Tomorrow is history."
I replied, "No, tomorrow is future."
A family of four is on a road trip, when the mom sees a rest stop ahead.
Mom: We should stop, I need to use the rest room.
Kids in back, unison: Me, too!
The dad: Yeah, same here...(pause)...I guess that makes us sym-potty-co.
Dad chuckles.
Kids "huh"?
Mom & internet - Eye rolls and groans.
What will you get if you remove B from Bananas
There are 100 types of people in the world:
- those who understand binary
- those who don’t
- those who think they do, but fail anyway.
In my wife’s family, when naming grandparents, I gave my FIL the dad joke that will last him the rest of his life. (Long)
My parents In Wisconsin are Nana and Papa, named by older cousins, but my kids are the oldest on my wife’s side, so now all 13 of their grandkids call her parents Mimi and Lefty. Mimi isn’t a joke name, but I do like that it’s close to the name of where they live,Miami. When Lefty asked “why Lefty?”, I told him because Papa in Wisconsin is North Pa, that means being all the way at the tip of Florida makes him South Pa.
It's that time of the year where I, as a father, get to rest in bed while my wife does everything around the house.
Or as she's calling it, Sunday.
My wife was pissed when I accidentally overcooked the ribeye tonight.
I told her everybody makes misteaks.
I really like mushrooms, but the rest of the family always refused to try it. One day I decided to cook up a stew for dinner and snuck some mushrooms in, and they loved it!
I consider that a morel victory.
I broke up with my rabbit.
Now they're just some bunny that I used to know.
What's the difference between making movies in the US and the rest of the world?
The rest of the world films movies.
The US shoots movies.
Why do mice have small balls?
Because only a few know how to dance.
Which image type always has a fight with the rest?
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
And probably only a fraction of people will find this funny.
You should never set fire to a cemetery.
It’s dangerous to raze the dead.
I am the worst speller
You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
I mixed up my breath spray with my body spray.
Now I speak with a funny Axe scent.
A cheese factory exploded in France.
My son has been eating electrical cords
He's now grounded until he conducts himself properly
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day
If you give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for the rest of his life
Why is the letter Q all you here in the word queue?
The rest of the letters are waiting for their turn.
serious case of 'Resting Bitch Face'
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
Why does the Bible never say God or Man rested after the first seven days?
What do you call a sad cup of Coffee?
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school??
Cut above the rest
A lumberjack cut his leg with his chainsaw. Paramedics managed to stop the bleeding, but he’s not out of the woods yet.
Rest In Peace, boiling water
Rest In Peace boiled water,
Rest in peace boiled water.
Rest In Peace boiled water
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