A German boy pushes his brother off a cliff.
What do you do if a lady pushes you into a manhole?
If someone pushes you into a bus you are bus-ted.
You know that part in Toy Story where Woody pushes Buzz out the window?
You can say he was a buzz kill.
My French friend always pushes me to do things I don't want to.
I guess you can call it Pierre pressure.
Lazing in bed and wife suddenly pushes on my chest like she's trying to resuscitate me while making a "hrrn" noise each time.
Me: Whoah, what gives?
Her: I have a pressing matter to discuss.
i figure out why my boston terrier takes up the whole bed and how she pushes my wife and i off every night.
it's because it's only a QUEEN sized bed. we can't all fit!
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
We have an awesome tire swing at our home and my two year old started to push it, with no one on it, and I noticed he was pushing it harder and harder and I got worried it would come back and hit him
He was playing with tire.
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
Why did the Mexican push his wife over the cliff ?
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
I want to push you around, yeah I will. I want to push you down, yeah I will. I want to take you for granite, yeah yeah yeah...
Rob Thomas volunteers to help the wheel chair bound elderly remodel their kitchen.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
I managed to do 60 push-ups this morning
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
They are pushing milk on us
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...
I guess there is a mis-cat-culation
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
I recently learnt the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'.
I saw it written on a Glass Door.
Why didnt the notepad move
Because it was stationary
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.
They're seasoned veterans
I got into an argument with my video game character
He said I was too controlling.
Programming Introduction
When you start programming, people push you to GitHub and then you commit to GitHub.
Today I saw a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of four leaf clovers,rabbits feet and horseshoes.
He was really pushing his luck
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
I have been pushing the envelope all my life
But it still remains stationery.
These push up bras are rubbish
I’ve just put one on and can only manage 7
How do you make a sausage roll?
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that
I put it in the wrong place......
3 years ago
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope
It'll still be stationery.
He wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t push their buttons...
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance...
I always try to push other people at the gym
I once knocked an old woman into a treadmill
The chemistry teacher is always pushing my buttons in class!
I think she’s just looking for a reaction.
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!
I saw a man pushing around a cart of saltpeter, he immediately stopped when he saw someone doing something nefarious.
Or you could say the peter parker, spied a man.
Do you all remember being in the back yard and dad pushing you in the tire swing?
A German pushes his brother off a cliff
Why did the Mexican man push his wife of a cliff ?
Why did the mexican push his wife off a cliff?
I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.
No matter how hard you push the envelope ...
It'll still be stationery.
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