A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?
... so they can beat the crowds!
Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)
The police easily caught the thief who stole a board game.
It was a trivial pursuit.
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.
But I love their Greatest hits !
A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books
He only has his shelf to blame.
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?
The chicken police
So my family has chickens and in order to understand how this pun came to be I must give a little background on a running joke my family makes.
When our chickens do some crazy we’ll say something along the lines of “(chicken’s name) is on crack.”
This was a few days ago so I don’t remember the exact words but it went something like this:
Somebody: (chicken’s name) you need to get off of whatever crack you’re on.
In my head: Wait a second, I feel like I can make a pun here...
And about 10 seconds of thinking later I said some along the lines of “Or else we might have to call the poultrice!”
Get it? Poultry + police. Felt like a genius.
What did the police officer arrest the cow for?
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop
Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: "Mine."
I withdrew one dollar from the bank but they called the police
The nine zeroes after the one don’t count. Right? They add up to nothing.
Idk why The Police are being hated on sooo much.
I mean they have their problems, but I still think that they are a great band!
What is police officers' favorite type of room to find criminals?
I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"
I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"
My local paper said the police arrested the energizer bunny
It said they charged him with battery
I Don't Understand Why People Have Been Hating On The Police.
Roxanne is a really good song.
Why did the police officer get suspended?
Local police caught two men drinking battery acid and eating fireworks
They charged one and let the other one off.
A hydrogen atom runs into the police station...
... "Please help me! My electron has been stolen!" The desk officer looks up from his computer and asks: "Are you positive?"
What did the paprika tell the pepper at the police station?
The police called me to tell me my wife was in hospital and that she was critical !
What is she complaining about now I said
How many grammar police does it take to change a lightbulb?
Police Officer: “How high are you?”
Dad: “No officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?’”
Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds.
Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.
Why can't the police catch Pablo Escobar?
He has the escape key in him.
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion
If found guilty he'll be given a real tough sentence
Minneapolis City is disbanding the police
So now it's just Minnea City
What is a Military Police Officers favorite dish?
Police found a dead chickpea that was smashed
They ruled it out as hummuscide
If Apple ever created a police force....
Would it be called the Apple Corps?
Why can't the police catch the wool
A local duck was interrogated by police for hours.
A spokesperson for the police said "Eventually he quacked under pressure".
What do you call a cook working at a police station?
Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.
They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.
Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."
Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"
Officer 1: "It's concrete."
The number-one-selling brand of tea among US police officers is called “Tally”
Apparently someone in my town has been stealing the wheels off police cars
They’ve been working tirelessly to find him
I reported my root garden missing to the police.
They told me they’d see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasn’t their beet. I don’t think they carrot all!
What did the police do when they caught the thief stealing the desserts from the bakery?
They took him into custardy
The police arrested two kids yesterday during a protest. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating firecrackers.
They charged one, and lit the other off.
News just in: Local police have acquired 1000 bees
They're believed to be used as part of a sting operation
I don't thing reformation of the police is possible...
After all, Andy, Sting, and Stewart have each had success with other solo projects.
After the most historic series of fires ever, an arsonist goes into the police station to turn himself in.
It was his claim to flame
why did the coffee file a police report?
Thieves have broken into and stolen all the toilets at the Police Station
Detectives have nothing to go on
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
Police: We need to talk to your son about the fire at your neighbor's place
During this outbreak, we must follow all directions from the Police
So don't stand so close to me
Why did I come home to find a police officer in my bed?
They were an undercover cop.
Why did the old man called the police??
He was in a lot of dentures
The last person to disband the police...
The police found a dead alpaca in its apartment.
I've just seen a traffic accident in town, a police car crashed into a fire engine.
I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.
I just read that a man got fired from the police after stealing 7 breakfasts
They made an eggsample out of him.
The police pulled up right next to me and my Yamaha on the shoulder of the highway today…
Apparently, it’s not the best place to play a keyboard…
What did the police officer say when he was tired?
Why are people drawn to police cars?
The other week the police arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car...
They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly...
Why did the coffee go to the police?
What do police officers wear to court?
Someone stole all the toilet seats at the police station.
The police are trying to find the thief but they have nothing to go on.
Police arrested a midget croupier this morning.
He was a small arms dealer.
You know what would be funny? A large group of people protesting, getting into fights with police and destroying property.
Police caught me stashing drugs under the bed
I’m now being put under a rest
What did the police man say to this belly button?
Before quarantine my father loved to tell jokes related to the context, he said police jokes to policemen, bar jokes in bars, dad jokes to other dads etc... And he misses it
Now it's only inside jokes
If you see this car, ring the police. It is stollen.
Why did the police arrest the dog?
Because he had some unpaid barking tickets
The police officer asked me why I keep beating my wife...
I said "It's probably because I have quicker feet and a longer reach."
Police have reported a man going into a local craft store and dipping his testicles in glitter
It's pretty nuts if you ask me!
Why does the riot police get up so early?
Why do the riot police wake up so early?
Why does the riot police get up so early?
Why do Riot Police get up early?
>!They do it to beat the crowds!!<
Police have arrested the world tongue twister champion...
...they say he will be given a tough sentence
A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.
Police are working 'tirelessly' to catch him.
A man has been stealing wheels of police cars
The police have been working tirelessly to catch him
Police arrested 2 kids yesterday
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off
A man is stealing tires from police cars
The police are working tirelessly to catch him
Wanted: man has been stealing tires off police cars.
Authorities have been working tirelessly to catch him.
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.
They said he'll be given a tough sentence.
Police are looking for a man who was seen selling Marijuana to birds.
Eyewitness reports say that he left no Tern Unstoned.
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
Why did the coffee file a police report?
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