Pair Of Scissors Puns

Swiss Army Wife.

Par-snip

The old ones just weren't cutting it

It was time to cut the ties.

I guess it was open prawn surgery

I couldn’t help but ask my wife if she was wanting cold cuts for dinner.

I told her the scissors just weren’t cutting it.

My old one is dull and just isnt cutting it

They just didn't cut it anymore.

But, none of them make the cut.

"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.

"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"

I work for a wholesaler and was at a store the other day putting together a Hostess rack. I had a pair of scissors in my hand and was cutting some label strips when I heard from behind me:

"That Hostess guy is a real cut-up."

I turned around and there was on older guy behind me grinning away (they always have the best puns), Low and behold, right there on the rack was my response. I reached up and grabbed a pack of Zingers and said:

"Yes, I always have a few zingers up my sleeve."

They get into a huge fight about the best way to start the camp fire.

The two sit in silence for a few moments, cold and frustrated

The dad promptly reaches into his backpack, grabs a pair of scissors and tears into the wall of their canvas shelter.

The son yells, "What the heck are you doing, you maniac?!!?!?"

The dad turns to him, looks him dead in the eyes, and says, "Just trying to cut the tent-son."

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won

So I was talking to my Dad about his work (Law Enforcement) and the transporting of criminals and how the searches work and how people could say things like "We found a pair of scissors in his rectum" to which my dad says "Rectum? They could have killed him."

He tossed a pair of scissors at our feet and calmly said, "Cut it out you two."

The old pair just wasn't cutting it.