Scissors and Knives.
I Sheariously don't understand scissor puns, but I get the point of knife puns.
Dwayne "Rock Paper Scissor" Johnson
People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.
I tell them it is for the shear fun of it
I had to get a new pair of scissors today
The old ones just weren't cutting it
All of the scissors have started disappearing at work
Starting to think that someone might have performed an exscissorcism.
I think I’ll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.
They’re always hiring people.
Scissors cannot be trusted
How do they make scissors at the factory?
With cutting edge technology.
So I went to my barber and told him "Instead of using scissors, use this old 80s hair metal band CD".
That is how I got my Mötley Crüe cut.
Cop pulled me over and said “PAPERS.” I yelled scissors and drove off.
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.
It was time to cut the ties.
I had an interview at a scissor factory today
Unfortunately I didn’t make the cut
I finally got a new pair of scissors.
The old pair just wasn't cutting it.
I was handling prawns with tongs and a pair of scissors
I guess it was open prawn surgery
If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.
Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.
At an auction at a Tourette's syndrome charity, I won a bid for an origami sculpture of scissors made by Dwayne Johnson. To emphasize the charity's cause, he replaced a bad word with a family-friendly word on his origami scissors.
The Rock's paper scissors said "Shoot."
I need a new pair of scissors
My old one is dull and just isnt cutting it
Did you hear about the scissor company?
Their scissors are cutting edge.
Opened the fridge when I got home today and found a pair of scissors...
I couldn’t help but ask my wife if she was wanting cold cuts for dinner.
What a nice Paris Scissors.
I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors
Sadly they weren't cutting it
I had to throw away my favorite pair of scissors.
They just didn't cut it anymore.
I kept bothering my friend with a scissor
Found these scissors at work today. They seem rather pointless.
My wife said we had a really dull pair of scissors.
I told her the scissors just weren’t cutting it.
Friend: You shouldn't run with scissors.
Lesbien Friend: You shouldn't scissor with the runs.
My dad recently convinced my school to ban scissors.
I wont be cutting class anytime soon.
I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
You should never run with scissors
They should always be stationery.
I wanted to tell you some quality jokes about a dull pair of scissors.
But, none of them make the cut.
You should always take a road map and a pair of scissors in the car with you.
"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.
"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"