Scissors and Knives.
I Sheariously don't understand scissor puns, but I get the point of knife puns.
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︎ Aug 31 2014
What do you call a pair of scissors made out of vegetables?
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︎ May 17 2021
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What do you call the ancestors of the modern day scissors?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
I thought I had a foolproof method for high stakes Rock, Paper, Scissors...
... Now I'm losing money hand over fist!
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Dwayne "Rock Paper Scissor" Johnson
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Rock - Paper - Scissors
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︎ Dec 28 2018
I have a joke about a dull pair of scissors ...
But Iβm afraid it ainβt gonna cut it.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.
I tell them it is for the shear fun of it
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︎ Jul 03 2020
All of the scissors have started disappearing at work
Starting to think that someone might have performed an exscissorcism.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I had to get a new pair of scissors today
The old ones just weren't cutting it
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︎ Jul 02 2020
How do they make scissors at the factory?
With cutting edge technology.
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︎ Nov 29 2019
Scissors cannot be trusted
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︎ Feb 22 2020
I think Iβll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.
Theyβre always hiring people.
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︎ Apr 27 2020
So I went to my barber and told him "Instead of using scissors, use this old 80s hair metal band CD".
That is how I got my MΓΆtley CrΓΌe cut.
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Cop pulled me over and said βPAPERS.β I yelled scissors and drove off.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
I had an interview at a scissor factory today
Unfortunately I didnβt make the cut
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︎ Oct 03 2019
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.
It was time to cut the ties.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
I was handling prawns with tongs and a pair of scissors
I guess it was open prawn surgery
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︎ Nov 22 2019
At an auction at a Tourette's syndrome charity, I won a bid for an origami sculpture of scissors made by Dwayne Johnson. To emphasize the charity's cause, he replaced a bad word with a family-friendly word on his origami scissors.
The Rock's paper scissors said "Shoot."
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︎ Jul 17 2019
If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.
Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.
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︎ Nov 05 2019
Edward Scissors-hands
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︎ Mar 12 2019
I need a new pair of scissors
My old one is dull and just isnt cutting it
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︎ Aug 23 2019
Opened the fridge when I got home today and found a pair of scissors...
I couldnβt help but ask my wife if she was wanting cold cuts for dinner.
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︎ Mar 06 2019
What a nice Paris Scissors.
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︎ Dec 30 2018
Rock beats scissors!
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︎ Oct 03 2018
Found these scissors at work today. They seem rather pointless.
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︎ May 18 2017
Did you hear about the scissor company?
Their scissors are cutting edge.
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︎ Jul 22 2019
My wife said we had a really dull pair of scissors.
I told her the scissors just werenβt cutting it.
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︎ Aug 28 2018
I had to throw away my favorite pair of scissors.
They just didn't cut it anymore.
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︎ Jan 01 2019
I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors
Sadly they weren't cutting it
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︎ Apr 10 2019
I kept bothering my friend with a scissor
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
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︎ Nov 18 2017
Friend: You shouldn't run with scissors.
Lesbien Friend: You shouldn't scissor with the runs.
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︎ Aug 22 2018
My dad recently convinced my school to ban scissors.
I wont be cutting class anytime soon.
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︎ Oct 03 2018
You should never run with scissors
They should always be stationery.
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︎ Apr 07 2018
I wanted to tell you some quality jokes about a dull pair of scissors.
But, none of them make the cut.
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︎ Aug 05 2017
You should always take a road map and a pair of scissors in the car with you.
"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.
"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"
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︎ Oct 23 2015
I finally got a new pair of scissors.
The old pair just wasn't cutting it.
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︎ Oct 31 2019
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