Scissors and Knives.
I Sheariously don't understand scissor puns, but I get the point of knife puns.
What do you call a pair of scissors made out of vegetables?
What do you call the ancestors of the modern day scissors?
I thought I had a foolproof method for high stakes Rock, Paper, Scissors...
... Now I'm losing money hand over fist!
Dwayne "Rock Paper Scissor" Johnson
I have a joke about a dull pair of scissors ...
But I’m afraid it ain’t gonna cut it.
People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.
I tell them it is for the shear fun of it
All of the scissors have started disappearing at work
Starting to think that someone might have performed an exscissorcism.
I had to get a new pair of scissors today
The old ones just weren't cutting it
How do they make scissors at the factory?
With cutting edge technology.
Scissors cannot be trusted
I think I’ll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.
They’re always hiring people.
So I went to my barber and told him "Instead of using scissors, use this old 80s hair metal band CD".
That is how I got my Mötley Crüe cut.
Cop pulled me over and said “PAPERS.” I yelled scissors and drove off.
I had an interview at a scissor factory today
Unfortunately I didn’t make the cut
I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.
It was time to cut the ties.
I was handling prawns with tongs and a pair of scissors
I guess it was open prawn surgery
At an auction at a Tourette's syndrome charity, I won a bid for an origami sculpture of scissors made by Dwayne Johnson. To emphasize the charity's cause, he replaced a bad word with a family-friendly word on his origami scissors.
The Rock's paper scissors said "Shoot."
If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.
Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.
I need a new pair of scissors
My old one is dull and just isnt cutting it
Opened the fridge when I got home today and found a pair of scissors...
I couldn’t help but ask my wife if she was wanting cold cuts for dinner.
What a nice Paris Scissors.
Found these scissors at work today. They seem rather pointless.
Did you hear about the scissor company?
Their scissors are cutting edge.
My wife said we had a really dull pair of scissors.
I told her the scissors just weren’t cutting it.
I had to throw away my favorite pair of scissors.
They just didn't cut it anymore.
I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors
Sadly they weren't cutting it
I kept bothering my friend with a scissor
I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
Friend: You shouldn't run with scissors.
Lesbien Friend: You shouldn't scissor with the runs.
My dad recently convinced my school to ban scissors.
I wont be cutting class anytime soon.
You should never run with scissors
They should always be stationery.
I wanted to tell you some quality jokes about a dull pair of scissors.
But, none of them make the cut.
You should always take a road map and a pair of scissors in the car with you.
"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.
"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"
I finally got a new pair of scissors.
The old pair just wasn't cutting it.