Scissors and Knives.

I Sheariously don't understand scissor puns, but I get the point of knife puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flameoguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Dwayne "Rock Paper Scissor" Johnson
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
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People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.

I tell them it is for the shear fun of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GUNGUNM4N
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
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I had to get a new pair of scissors today

The old ones just weren't cutting it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
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All of the scissors have started disappearing at work

Starting to think that someone might have performed an exscissorcism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Espressopronto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
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I think I’ll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.

They’re always hiring people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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Scissors cannot be trusted

They always cut corners

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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How do they make scissors at the factory?

With cutting edge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3LimaBean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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So I went to my barber and told him "Instead of using scissors, use this old 80s hair metal band CD".

That is how I got my MΓΆtley CrΓΌe cut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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Rock - Paper - Scissors
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DooleyMTV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Cop pulled me over and said β€œPAPERS.” I yelled scissors and drove off.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adityakanteti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I finally snapped and walked all around my office with a pair of scissors.

It was time to cut the ties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I had an interview at a scissor factory today

Unfortunately I didn’t make the cut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayforder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I finally got a new pair of scissors.

The old pair just wasn't cutting it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dantheross
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I was handling prawns with tongs and a pair of scissors

I guess it was open prawn surgery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDragonace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.

Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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At an auction at a Tourette's syndrome charity, I won a bid for an origami sculpture of scissors made by Dwayne Johnson. To emphasize the charity's cause, he replaced a bad word with a family-friendly word on his origami scissors.

The Rock's paper scissors said "Shoot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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I need a new pair of scissors

My old one is dull and just isnt cutting it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Did you hear about the scissor company?

Their scissors are cutting edge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JooshBooge
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Edward Scissors-hands
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CannFarmre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Opened the fridge when I got home today and found a pair of scissors...

I couldn’t help but ask my wife if she was wanting cold cuts for dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlatzimepAho
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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What a nice Paris Scissors.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phut-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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Rock beats scissors!
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors

Sadly they weren't cutting it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindboy88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I had to throw away my favorite pair of scissors.

They just didn't cut it anymore.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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I kept bothering my friend with a scissor

He said "Cut it out"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Found these scissors at work today. They seem rather pointless.
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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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My wife said we had a really dull pair of scissors.

I told her the scissors just weren’t cutting it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regcrusher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Friend: You shouldn't run with scissors.

Lesbien Friend: You shouldn't scissor with the runs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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My dad recently convinced my school to ban scissors.

I wont be cutting class anytime soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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You should never run with scissors

They should always be stationery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/busterben98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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I wanted to tell you some quality jokes about a dull pair of scissors.

But, none of them make the cut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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You should always take a road map and a pair of scissors in the car with you.

"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.

"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord21K
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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