Wife: “Our Disney certified stroller fits through all openings”
Dad: “Yep, it’s Universal”
This interaction occurred as we left our Disney hotel room heading to the bus to EPCOT.
This was on my mind for a while after being a candidate for so many job openings.
Why can’t a chicken coupe have 4 openings
Because then it would be a chicken sedan
I called my dad who works at the auto shop to see if they had any openings
He said, "ya, about six of them. They're the ones with the big white doors"
My son Brandon came out to me as trans and said she wanted to change her name. At first it felt like a rift was opening in our relationship
But she was able to Bridget so easily
My dad used to say to me 'When One Door Closes another will Open'
He was a brilliant philosopher
but a terrible cabinet maker.
I left my front door open yesterday and my Roomba went right outside and I haven't seen it since. I'm afraid that it's going to die out there in the wild.
You know, because Nature Abhors a Vacuum.
I recently opened up a prosthetic limb rental shop. I'm always happy to lend a hand.
I was FINALLY able to open my shoe store for only large sized shoes and boy, let me tell you...
Whew! I'm tired from working on getting our new funeral parlor ready to open.
I’m opening a new restaurant called IDK
That way, when men ask their girlfriend or wife what they want for dinner, she can say “I Don’t Know”.
Why is there such a high risk of fire at the U.S. Open?
There are so many matches.
I've just opened an underwear wholesale business
Let's see how it pants out
After the movie, Mary Poppins opened a fortune telling business in Hollywood where she specialized in predicting bad breath.
Her advert copy read: Super California Mystic, Expert: Halitosis.
We were locked out of our house. I accidentally left the key in. Dad went ahead and whispered something to the door, and it opened!
When I asked him what he did, he said "Communication is the key"
The other day, I opened the door to two policemen who told me “we’ve had reports from your neighbours that your dog was chasing a kid on a bike.”
I said, “that’s ridiculous. My dog doesn’t even know how to ride a bike.”
Why Did Donald Trump open a cheese factory?
He wanted to make America Grate again
What are two words that help open a lot of doors in life?
Satan has promised that once he gets the business license and location he will be opening a specialty wig company where the wigs are small enough to cover your bald spot and match the rest of your natural hair.
I’m other words, once everything is lined up there’ll be Hell toupee.
I always knock and wait 30 seconds before opening the refrigerator door...
In case there is a salad dressing.
When one door closes, another one opens.
Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.
Even though we're not in an open marriage, I'm okay with my wife having a second husband
Which you have to admit is bigamy.
Yesterday I opened my water bill and my electric bill at the same time.
If you want to open a store, I recommend selling stoves.
You'll immediately offer a range of hot products.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
I used to think that the film Alien was about the trauma of making a cup of tea i.e. "I can't open this milk!"
"In space, no-one can. Here, use cream."
I opened my Chinese restaurant in New York...
It's called "hey I'm woking here!"
Why don't banks allow kangaroos to open accounts?
Because their checks always bounce.
I blushed so hard when I opened the refrigerator door.
When Disney World opened their Lego store…
People were lined up for blocks
Why can you never open a jar of pickles?
I’m opening a 24 hour Chinese restaurant.
Going to name it Wok Around the Clock
Do you Know why Will Smith used an open hand instead of a fist ?
Because only paper beats rock.
What will open when one way closes?
When I opened my cookie at the end of my Chinese food meal there was no paper inside.
What happened when Wonderwoman and Spiderman opened their own online store?
They started Amazon Web Services.
I told my doctor I hurt the spot between my femur and acetabulum at the new night club that just opened up. He responded,...
"oh, that's a hip joint!"
People say it’s hard to open a bakery
but there’s really muffin to it.
My open, four passenger vehicle wouldn't stop talking to me using artificial intelligence!
Then I realized I had gotten a Turing car.
Did you hear about the chain of sushi restaurants being open by a law firm?
The chain is called “Sosume”.
Why should you knock before you open the fridge door?
There might be a salad dressing inside
I urinated on a door and it opened
I once tried to open an apartment complex for a number of small crawling insects but it failed because I couldn't find enough
I just couldn't get ten ants.
I want to open a store that sells crullers, bundt cake, donuts, bagels.
>!I'm planning on calling it Hole Foods.!<
The other day a clown held open a door for me. I thought…
You should always knock on the fridge before opening.
In case there's a salad dressing
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