Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
You should always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
One of my friends told me he was opening a clothing store that sold everything except for hats.
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
Tickets on sale now for 50 Cent opening for Nickelback...
What did the cop say after opening Jeff Dahmer's refrigerator ?
"He really had a cool head."
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...
I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
This was on my mind for a while after being a candidate for so many job openings.
I’m thinking about opening a plastic surgery center
I will call it “Pick Your Nose”
I was considering opening a mirror shop
But after reflecting on it, I just couldn't see myself doing that.
My daughter opening her fortune cookie:
“Hey, there’s no fortune in here”
Me: “that’s unfortunate”
My fortune cookie: “your sense of humor will get you through difficult times”.
The re-opening of LEGO stores was the biggest event of 2020.
People were lined up for blocks!
I matched with a woman named Samantha on tinder. Guess my opening line:
“Can we chat now or “Samantha” time? “
Btw .. this is my true story
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.
She did not hold Up well.
I am opening a soap box derby themed restaurant
Everything in the menu is *a la carte
Q: What key do you use when opening a banana?
Did you hear about the crowds at the grand opening of the new Lego store?
People were lined up for blocks
I asked my immigrant friends what type of restaurant they were opening.
They replied "It's nacho business!"
I just hear about a new chicken fastfood place opening up in Ukraine
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it.
Thinking about opening a hotel for weed smokers.
I’m gone call it Swisha Suites. Lol!
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"
I'm opening a new bar called The Space Bar, but it's under the C.
Opening a bottle of wine is easy
But it’s also easy to screw it up
I'm thinkning about opening a hotel that also sells footwear.
I think it would be a real Shoe Inn.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
I always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it.
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
Why should you always knock on the fridge before opening it?
There could be a salad dressing.
I Always Knock On The Fridge Door Before Opening It...
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I always knock before opening the fridge
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it...
there might be a salad dressing.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
I always knock before opening the fridgerator
....in case the salad is dressing :)
I always knock on my fridge before opening the door
Just in case there's a salad dressing
Why do you always know ask on the fridge before opening it?
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
The re-opening of Lego stores was a big event
Really
Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks
The re-opening of LEGO stores in 2020 was a big deal
People were lined up for blocks.
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