The spacebar
Heโs my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Looks like weโll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
It was our last resort...
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
We had to hold Hans.
โYesโ โOuiโ โSรญโ โJaโ
Of course.. After all, he is a Fungi
Alpaca bag now.
โThanks, man, โ he replied, โIโve been practising it a lot.โ
No, the steaks are too high!
A cowabungalow
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
Their next car is Elon gated.
But it was for the grater good
If you ask me, theyโre cheapskates.
Polynesia
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
Because he was a Star-Skiin' Hutch.
You'd think they were used to being stuck home
It was triggered.
He was made from 100% American copper.
I told him that was suislide
He'll leave you in stitches.
He says โMy campfires are better, man.โ
Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?
Technically they are resisting a rest!
Heโs deathperate
โ...donโt go with anything.โ
My dad never makes โdad jokesโ but, he actually said this yesterday and Iโm so proud.
Because everyone there is Russian.
...but the reviews said it's only good on paper
I'm sure everything will work out.
Because it had a wee calf.
Then I showed them that famous photo of the four ladies sitting on his arms outstretched. (The sub doesn't allow photos posted)
Because they might peel!
"Thanks, man," he replied, "I've been practising a lot."
โThanks, man, โ he replied, โIโve been practicing it a lot.โ
He said, โThanks dad, Iโve been practicing a lot.โ
He replied, โThanks dad! Iโve been practicing a lot!"
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
