Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
A Covid test nurse asked me if I've had a sudden loss of taste.
I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
Why do a lot of nurses go to college at the North Pole?
Do you ever wonder if a cow thinks her calf who won't nurse.....
Is an utter disappointment?
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
When my son was born, I was struggling to come up with a name, so I asked a nurse for a cuppa tea...
When she got back, I asked how warm it is. She replied back with "Luke warm". And that is how earl gray got his name. (Not sure if this one is a dad joke)
When I woke up from an operation, the nurse leaned over and said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
So the nurse brought the proctologist a can of beer.
“No!”, said the doctor. “I wanted a butt light.”
Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
Nurse: Sorry for the waiting
My dad: No problem, I'm patient
The nurse was eating a corn
The physician was eating a comd
Do you know why nursing is a woman's job?
Because men can't breastfeed.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why did the nurse get second chair in the symphony?
Because they were a Band-Aid
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?
Labor & delivery at your cervix!
How much does a nursing home weigh?
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
Nurses in the maternity ward don’t want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when they’re born.
So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.
Nurse: A patient named Stephen has come into the hospital with acidosis (meaning their blood has become too acidic)
Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?
Nurse: Yes, a low one.
Nurse: Sorry for waiting
14 year old son: don’t worry, I’m patient.
Me: proudly crying.
Nurse: Hi patient, I’m nurse
A nurse looks in her pocket, and finds a rectal thermometer.
She says, in exasperation, “some arsehole’s got my pen.”
I truly am a monster. My partner is a nurse for context.
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
Not your normal format, but I have to share as I am pretty proud
For context I work in a prison as a nurse. The other nurses were looking up charges for one of the inmates and hes in for capital murder. One of the nurses asks, "Whats the difference between capital murder and just murder anyway?" to which I was quick to say "usually a bigger M"
I guess Ive been a dad too long now that it comes natural
After waiting for an hour at the doctor's office the nurse came by and said sorry for the wait...
To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."
Doctor: “How is the boy who swallowed the quarter?”
With a pandemic happening, I said to my nurse friend: "Stay safe!"
Their response: “You, too; stay negative!"
The nurse just told me that they can no longer perform the transplant.
My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.
An angry Air Force Registered Nurse is mad AF RN.
The nurse kept insisting my blood was Type-A
I said "NO! IT MUST BE A TYPE-O"
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
why do nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
Why do nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood
Why do nurses love red crayons so much?
Because sometimes they have to draw blood.
I found out why nurses carry red crayons
In case they have to draw blood.
I found out why nurses carry red crayons -
In case they have to draw blood.
Nurse: Sorry For Making You Have To Wait
Dad: No Problem, I'm Patient
I recently found out that it’s mandatory for all nurses to carry a red crayon with them.
Just in case they have to draw blood
Nurse : Sorry for the wait
Don't worry, i'm patient.
Want to know why nurses like red crayons
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
Nurse and dad
Nurse: apologies for making you wait
Dad: no problem, I am patient
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