A list of puns related to "Night's Watch"
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”
It was paper-view
It was his Jed Eye Master.
Then it dawned on me
I call it "Tentin' Quarantino".
Dick Van Dyke
Later on I saw some guy harassing a woman while standing on it, so I walked up and punched him in the face.
Nobody does that to a woman.... not on my watch
Me: No, only for the next 2 hours.
Friend: Stallone? Me: No it finished last night.
Me: "You might say you forGothamed it."
She groaned.
It was on pay-per-view.
Bit of a scam though,
Both teams folded.
Dad: Pretending to be a dispatcher Yeah, she’s resisting arrest
Luckily I was the one facing the telly
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
It was riveting.
My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" 🙂).
So every now and then this will happen:
Child : Can I get an app?
Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.
Child: no, an APP
Me: yes, lie DOWN
Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.
Me: or an early night?
Child: weary sigh
Me: you do look tired
That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.
The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.
At least the both have something "in" common.
It was the Best Western I’ve ever seen.
"Where the fuck is my roof?"
I was watching the news last night and it said there would be some flash photography. Well Im no cameraman but it looked pretty ordinary to me.
Because its RAW!
Most documentaries are more enjoyable that way.
When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.
My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked “Hey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said “I don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for “being a smart ass”.
I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask “Hey dad, where do you think those come from.”
On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said “Well would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.
TLDR: My dad: “Where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” Me: “I don’t know. Home Depot?”
That movie was way shorter than I thought it would be.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Mom: is that swimmer Russian?
Bro: well.. Not anymore, she finished
Blank stares turned to realizations and then everyone threw stuff at him
It was G-rated.
Me: "Your first one? Yeah, bullshit."
Him: "No really. My god did I ever look young."
My mom saw a player that was particularly androgynous and asked my father "Is she transgender? She looked like Caitlyn Jenner."
My father, without taking his eyes off the game responded "No, she's trans-jenner."
It has Major problems.
Then it dawned on me
Luckily I was the one facing the screen.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
Luckily for me I was the one facing the telly
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Best dam program I’ve ever seen.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
It was G-rated.
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