My son's nails grew so long
I just clipped two feet of toenails
I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.
I should have bought asparagus.
What do you get when you nail a dog to a tree?
I was walking out of the store when I was approached by a crazed man who threw a short but large nail into the air.
He seemed non-aggressive at first, but he’s quite angry now and it appears I’m under a tack.
I got innovative nail clippers for Christmas.
My hammer has 100% nail hitting accuracy
because if I miss the nail, I hit my nail
What is a stressful session at the nail salon called?
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
For when you get a nail in your tire
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed...
It's about to get ugly out there.
Stay safe.
I went to a nail bar the other day...
You look like a rusty nail, are you hammered?
I used to file my nails...
But then I thought what’s the point in keeping them.
Im gonna name my son 'the nail'
So i can say 'i hit the nail on the head'
I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...
In other words, a pedi-file.
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.
He's okay. He's recovered now.
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
Why will orthodontists and nail salons be the first businesses to reopen?
Because they're fighting tooth and nail for it.
I need to cut these nails, they are getting out of hand
I hit the nail on the head
“I need some nails and a hammer”-fiancé
‘I have 10 nails but I’d rather not hit them with a hammer.’ -me
What did the framer say when he ran out of nails?
My boyfriend had this in his car...it’s a nail file
I was told to be sure to use the right nails for putting down trim in my house, but I can't find any.
At this point, I'm not even sure Finland makes nails!
I got my nails done for half off today
It was a five finger discount
How did Santa build a house at the North Pole without any nails?
iglooed it!
Bonus joke:
And he did it all by his elf!
I gave my son a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
Why the did hammer hit the nail through the wall.
To drive the point across.
When I went to get my prescription, I gave the tech an empty bottle to recycle or whatever. She said, some people like to keep the bottles to put nails and screws in...
I said I don't have too many loose screws.
She smiled.
What do the sun and nail polish remover have in common?
They can both make your acetone darker...
My nails are getting too long.
They're growing out of hand.
I drove over a rusty nail yesterday
A nail walks into a bar
Bartender asks "what can I get you, sir?"
Nail says "anything that'll get me hammered"
Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
Got my cats nails clipped today...
What do you call a bar of soap that has been pierced by a nail?
I need puns about stepping on a nail
My sister went to hospital after stepping on a nail.
I really wanna barrage her with pun after pun when she comes home.
Any help is really appreciated.
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tan salons an Wax salons too...
... it’s about to get ugly out there
My dad gave me a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
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