Why do Borg-ships suffer from massive electricle spikes?

Because resistance is futile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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I’ve been dating a spike for three years

It’s not a pointless relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernametakenexe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.

I thought β€œwow, that’s pretty metal.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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I went and got my hair cut today, but I can't remember it

I think she spiked my hair

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenny8138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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Did you hear about the time somebody spiked the Olympic water supply with Viagra?

There was some stiff competition that year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vlair
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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My electricity bill spiked when I plugged in my anti-procrastination machine.

I guess with great power comes great responsibility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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Someone put LSD in my hair gel

My hair has been spiked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3ltaforc3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Dropped a dad joke after being spiked with laxatives.

I spent a busy week working and was aching all over. During that week, a friend of mine had managed to slip some laxatives into my diet. After a few days of rest, another friend asked how I was feeling. I replied, "I'm not aching as much now, just my arse really. I've had a lot of crap to deal with". This friend knew of the laxatives and groaned audibly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinRidley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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I was once offered a hedgehog pie

I didn't dare eat it as I thought it was spiked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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A piece of rope walks into a bar

Bartender: We don’t serve your kind here Rope: walks out and ties himself up and spikes it’s hair Bartender: Aren’t you the guy I just told to get out? Rope: I’m a frayed knot...

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Why was the stegosaurus such a good volleyball player?

Because he could really spike the ball!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wadofmeat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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My collection of drawn visual Puns! (X-post from r/funny) m.imgur.com/a/ZaCMe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarquitoE
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2015
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How do you kill a hipster?

You drown them in the mainstream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zurg0Thrax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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What do you call it when you learn to conduct a locomotive?

Training.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tesseract-Cat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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TIL that the Bloods once owned then destroyed 9% of the Bitcoin market in 2014

Higher ranking members of the Bloods held 9% of the coins that had been mined up to 2014. They suddenly and abruptly destroyed the wallets that contained the bitcoins in late 2014.

It wasn’t discovered until 2017 when a former member spoke to the press when the prices spiked. When asked the reason for destroying the fortune he said β€œcause it’s a Crip-tocurrency”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinetsu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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What is the difference between a boy and a girl cactus?

A boy cactus has one spike more.

Edit: Fixed wording

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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About my pedometer...

It always spikes up whenever I pass a white van.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteelBarracuda101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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Dad told me an old one he once said to a friend

The two were ice fishing, and the wind had blown away some patches that became really slippery, and the two of them weren't wearing any boot spikes. Dad slips and falls right on his chin, seeing stars and nearly passed out. tries to get up but can't, just lays face down on the ice for a bit to get his bearings.

Friend: Hey Bill you alright?

Dad: Yeah I'm fine, I got ice on it.

apparently the friend laughed so hard he slipped and fell on the ice as well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iceman19-2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
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Do you like Kipling?

I don't know, I have never kipled.

My dads favorite joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wdenman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Why isn't James Marsters allowed at high school proms?

Because he always ends up Spiking the punch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Shopping at the home improvement store

Just found this subreddit and, being a dad, I figured I needed to share some material...

I'm checking out at the home improvement store, my wife standing next to me as the bubble-headed cashier rings me up. She gets to a bag of six inch galvanized spikes that I was buying for an outdoor project. Trying to look up the price in her book, our ditzy cashier holds one up and says, "Is this nine inches?" I smile and turn to my wife saying, "Her boyfriend must love her. He's got her convinced that that's nice inches..."

At that point my wife slapped me saying, "You're disgusting!" and our little airhead just stood there and had no idea why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubikscanopener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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