My crazy uncle boards up his fireplace every December.

He's Claus-trophobic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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My girlfriend asked me to get my Christmas Spirit out this December

So I did https://imgur.com/a/SvwzZnA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogue_noob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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My ex and I split custody of the kids. We want them to have a great holiday so we each are spending equal time with them on December 25th

We’re simply halving a wonderful Christmas time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TIFUstorytime
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December

There is a Santa clause.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omgwtfbbq7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Today I learned I will assume my final form and will he becoming a dad in December.

Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macbeezy_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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My father passed away in December. Here's one of his favorites.

Every time we had cornbread for dinner he would say, "pi r squared? Pie are not squared, pie are round. Cornbread are squared."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waveling
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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My boss didnt give me a single weekend off this December

He's a sleigh driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryan56k
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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My friend is still wearing tank tops in December

I guess he’s exercising his right to bare arms

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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On December 18, 2015, seeing the new Star Wars movie will be on my R2D2-do list.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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I just asked my dad, "Guess what's in December?"

He said, "I don't know, 30 days?"

Note my birthday is in December

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enjoithelrg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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I think my dad's been waiting for December all year...

Setting the scene: a rainy evening. Sitting in living room. Talking about a movie.
SUDDENLY
DAD: Oh! There's reindeer on the roof!
quizzical looks
DAD: (smacks forehead theatrically) I mean, there's rain on the roof, dear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScathachRises
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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My friend, who is getting married on December, seems to be practicing for when he becomes a dad

We were at the beach yesterday and I see an area that says "Emergency Ramp". However, there was no ramp in that area so I say: "I didn't see the ramp".

His reply: "But did you see the emergency?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plasmastar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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December 24 is my grandma's birthday, so we have all the family together to celebrate Christmas and her birthday at the same time.

Every year my father think's it's hilarious to say "It's amazing, you were born a day before Jesus and are still with us."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Moment of pride as my almost 4yo daughter made up her own joke (or at least one she hadn't been taught).

My daughter will be 4 in December and I've been teaching her jokes involving animals and the sounds they make. I had taught her;

What do ducks eat? Quackers

What's a cows favourite place to go? To the mooovies.

She thought they were hilarious and for the next few days I would ask her to tell me a joke and she would repeat one of these jokes and we would laugh together. I asked her this morning to tell me a joke expecting one of these same jokes that she knows, then she took me by surprise by asking;

Why was the sheep on the naughty step?

I was taken aback and wondered where it was going, so I replied;

I don't know. Why was the sheep on the naughty step?

Coz he was a baaaad boy.

Few moments of stunned silence then me and the wife looked at eachother, then burst into fits of laughter while my daughter beamed with pride. Her twin brother is often on the naughty step for being a 'bad boy' and I'm thinking that she has put 2 and 2 together and came up with infant/toddler comedy gold. Very clever, and very proud dad.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nstiger83
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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Abbott and Costello talk about Lou's new dog

(From Abbott and Costello’sΒ radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen β€” in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother β€” Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an β€œicebox” a β€œrefrigerator”)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Accidentally told a great dad joke in class the other day!

I teach high school math. The other day, December 1st, one of my students was looking at the date he wrote down on the paper he was about to turn in and said, "Hey, today's December!"

And I replied, "Yeah, and tomorrow's December, too."

The class started groaning at my bad joke, but I didn't even realize I had said a pun until they started groaning! I don't even have children, but the dad in me must already be growing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
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Managed to score my first dad joke (dad in training)

Yesterday I was able to pull off my first dadjoke!

Someone in my evening class said "I'm tired" and without batting an eye I replied "Hi Tired, I'm Horst!" :)

So yeah, I'm in training - baby is due in december, so I am kind of in bootcamp right now. Any advice from the more experienced dadjokers? Good next step for me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horst665
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Time Travelling Van

When I was maybe 7 or 8 my dad was performing some routine maintenance on my mums van, probably an oil change or something. Anyway I asked dad what he was doing and he told me he had installed a time travel device that would take us back in time. My dad is still a geek and at the time the wizardry he could do with electronics left me with no doubts in my mind that he had in fact invented and installed a time travel device in my mums van. When finished he suggested we take it for a test drive.

The next morning we got up quite early, packed a picnic and loaded the family into the van to see the time traveling van in action, we drove for about an hour out of the city to a small town called......Middlemarch.

When we got there he said "Well we're in the middle of march now, and it was December when we left home!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Got my grandmother today in the car

So I'm driving my grandmother around so she can go Christmas shopping. Her: I wish I had a date for New Years Eve. Me: You do, December 31st! It took her a few minutes for her to actually realize what I said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poop-Bandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
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Birthday dadjoked

I remember this one from my toddler years. My b-day is June 14, which happens to be the unknown holiday called Flag Day.

Me: "Daddy, guess what day it is?"

Dad: "Oh, is it the 14^th already? Happy Flag Day son!"

I would get really upset at him every year for that one until I started to get the joke. Alternatively, my mom's birthday happens to be December 25. So you can imagine:

Mom: "Merry Christmas, honey!"

Dad: "Christmas? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought it was your birthday!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheF0CTOR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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End of the Year

So my son asked me yesterday: "Dad, what day does the year end this year?"...I knew he had meant which day of the week... I peered at him over the top of the news paper ( yes I still read newspapers) and answered very seriously... "December 31st"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noboatfred
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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He cracks himself up

One night when we were sitting around the table eating dinner my brother was showing off his beard talking about how he was doing "No Shave November". My Dad gets up, gets another beer, sits down and just goes, "What's next? No Dump December?" He was sitting there chuckling so hard to himself he couldn't eat another bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zwooop6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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I recently remembered this bomb my dad dropped a few months ago

It was a few weeks before Christmas and my grandma was about to leave Grandma: So when is Christmas this year(implying day of the week) Dad: December 25th Everyone:confused silence and groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dfretyhg
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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I found out where I got my sense of humour from today

Every year my girlfriend's family and my family try to celebrate Christmas on different days, so my Christmas-crazy-starts-decorating-for-Christmas-before-I've-taken-my-Halloween-costume-off girlfriend has been bugging me about what day my family is celebrating for a few weeks. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:

SO: "So when's Christmas?"

Me: "[SO], Christmas is the same day every year, December 25th"

Apparently I'm not funny, but today I was on the phone with my awesome mom and my girlfriend was bugging me to ask her what day we were celebrating, so I ask.

Me: "[SO] wants to know what day Christmas is"

Mom: "Well, you should tell [SO] that Christmas is the same day as every other year, December 25th!"

I repeated it to her and she sobbed silently while my mother and I laughed our asses off for the next ten minutes.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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