I bought a pair of mittens today...

They fit like a glove.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good_Creeper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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what did the cow say when he lost his mitten?

where's my udder one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pruncewho
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves...

...but I don't like to point fingers...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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I sent my my deceased cat, Mittens, to be stuffed.

But the taxidermist only did her back half. It was a cat-ass-trophey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peteman22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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I walked into work today and there was a sign that said "no drugs, no mittens!"

I walked up to my coworker and said "I get 'no drugs' but what is the deal with mittens?"

He looked at me very concerned and said "Everyone knows mittens are a gateway glove!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diabeo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I announced to my family, "Certain people in this house have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves..."

"...but I don't like to point fingers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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E-mail I just received from my dad: Rare photo of Helen Keller and her beloved cat, Mittens.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seewhatyadidthere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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The first step in confronting a crafting problem,

is a mitten knit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What do athletes wear during winter?

Bad mittens

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mercolorecords2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool?

She had mittens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn?

She had a litter of mittens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I want to play tennis, but my tennis glove is torn.

I guess I’ll have to settle for bad mitten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bci1516
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?

's mitten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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seriously dad?

(calling dad on cell phone)(mittens is our cat)

Dad:Hello?

Me: Dad the cat puked on the carpet

Dad: Hahaha

Me: Dad why are you laughing?

Dad: I guess you could say mittens isn't feline very well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chriscamano09
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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My wife dadjoked my son and me

My 2.5-year-old son was singing Old MacDonald in the car and decided to be a little silly by having each verse be a progressive number of mittens on his farm.

When he got to five mittens, I asked him, "Why would he need so many mittens? How many hands does he have?"

While my son was thinking it over, my wife replied, "They are for all of his farmhands."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
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