My wife asked me to go get some milk

My wife: can you go out and get a gallon of milk, if they have oranges get 5

Me: *comes home with 5 gallons of milk"

My wife:???

Me: they had oranges...

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't use raw milk to make butter

It's not worth the whisk

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pointyhead19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Bernie Sanders favorite milk? not 1%

What's Bernie Sanders favorite milk?

not 1%

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees like breast milk?

Babies

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…

"What about the udder one?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
One astronaut says to another β€œI can’t find any milk for my coffee”

The other astronaut replies β€œIn space no one can, here use cream”

πŸ‘︎ 283
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between milk and yogurt?

Yogurt comes from a more sophisticated culture.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Futch1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The only thing that bothers me about Almond Milk:

It’s nut milk.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabbitsheepp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does the mortitain buy his milk?

The coroner store

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NateTheSimpleOne
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A man threatend me with milk, chocolate and cheese

how dairy (dare he)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdWide6476
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Gonna milk this one for all its worth
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Cranch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the man say when he found out the milk man was sleeping with his wife?

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tendiemancan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Can you see in a big vat of milk?

Not once it's past yer eyes!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I once took a trip to Seattle on a plane in which the stewards only served candy made when peanut butter meets milk chocolate...

I don't know how far this Reese eating airline goes...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the milk glasses listen to the milk carton?

Because the carton was a litre.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agfwouldbecool
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Soy milk

Is the only food that tells you what it is.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icebox7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
This morning, the milkman threw milk at my face

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Virasman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I took a group tour of a milk factory ...

While inside, I took a deep breath and said, "Ahh, nice dairy air!"

The woman next to me strongly disagreed. She didn't have to smack me though ...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyle1775
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked fellow astronauts on ISS for some milk to put in my coffee but was informed I can't have any.

They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I just had a guy throw milk at me

How dairy ?

πŸ‘︎ 231
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a whole shelf of soy milk at the store the other day.

It's great that they've enabled milk to properly introduce themselves to customers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you milk sheep ?

Release another IPhone.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call two Milk Duds fused together?

Milk Dudes!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rooner_Spism
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
When I open the fridge after a long day at work only to find water, milk and juice, I start to feel like David Gilmour.

"How I wish... How I wish you were beer."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.

It’s a drama dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried wild ox milk

Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadeTreeMechanix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Farmer milks his profits from cows

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwampFox525
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk

Him:* lifts gallon * done

Her: no from the store

Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-have-lysdexia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't people without legs drink milk

They lactose

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedForkKnife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I wanted to be more healthy so tried putting oat milk in my tea.

But it was just too OTT.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of bee makes milk?

A boobee

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camcamps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you milk a sheep?

You say an election was fraudulent and ask for donations.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Set-Life-Medic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard that sweetened milk and egg yolks are getting a divorce

Apparently they're mixed up in a custardy battle

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Cashier: β€œDo you want milk in the bags?”

Dad: β€œNo, thanks. The carton is fine”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
They are pushing milk on us
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Biddy_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If you sign up for an economics class, you should bring some spoiled milk on the first day.

They’re a big fan of gross domestic products.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/girloffthecob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?

Its pasteurized before you see it.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuckyClassicTho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an epic milk?

Legendairy

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/presuire45
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anybody know how to charge their milk?

Mine is stuck at 1%

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_SHIT_A_BRICK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Milk is good

But it can be butter

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Milk is good

But it could be butter

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MJGZXP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk?

Boobees.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Euphoric_Ad8766
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wilhelmfart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Which kind of bees make milk?

Boobies

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sorry4ThisBut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Once a man assaulted me with milk, cheese and butter

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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