My 6 month old son has his first milk shake today.

My wife was breastfeeding him during the earthquake.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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How do you make milk shake?

By scaring it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Milk Shake

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/whoshlok
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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What do you get when a cow has Parkinsons?

Milk Shake.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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4 year old asks, β€œDaddy can I have milkshakes for breakfast?”

Mommy: No. milkshakes are not for breakfast.

Me: I’ll give you milkshakes for breakfast!

Mommy: why would you offer him that?

4 y/o bounds into the kitchen, excited for milkshakes.

Me: here’s a cup of milk. And here’s some shakes! (Gently shakes 4 y/o)

Groans all around.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphamale968
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Whenever I go to the supermarket with my dad...

He will do three things. Guaranteed.

  1. Pick up a bottle of milk and shake it, asking if we want milkshake.

  2. Go up to a young teenager stacking shelves and ask for whatever they're currently restocking on the shelves and watch as they scratch their heads and look around only to hold out the item with a dumb look on their face (which surprisingly happens almost every time)

  3. Will get a bottle of water from the shelf and hold it high with one hand and drop it, catch it with his other hand then say "did you see that?! It was a beautiful waterfall!!!"

Obviously a hearty dad-chuckle follows each of these actions.

πŸ‘︎ 891
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaureoTheOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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Conversion with my daughter.

Context: In the kitchen making my daughter a snack. Me:"Do you want a milk shake, or just ice cream." Daughter: "Just ice cream" Me:"Do you want any milk in it?" Daughter: "No I said I don't want a milk shake." Me: "Well then I wont shake it...." Daughter "O.o -_- fine, just a little milk"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnx_complex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
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What do cows do when they meet for the first time?

Give each other a milk shake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/iwfabrication
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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A sequence of Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean Beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom What do you call a cow with one leg? A Steak What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milk shake What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf (inated)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/carolineb647
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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