At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
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︎ Jan 30 2021
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I canβt think of any more other than pun-ch line
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︎ Nov 28 2020
What does the philosophy lecturer do when he gets cold feet?
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︎ Dec 09 2020
The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture
The blackboard is now chalk-full of information
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︎ Jul 27 2020
A student is arrested and brought to court for carrying a weapon to his morning lecture
Judge: Why did you bring a taser to your lecture?
Defendent: Well you see sir, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. But Iβm not a big fan of soft drinks or coffee, so I thought the next best thing was to give me a good shock.
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︎ May 10 2020
What excuse did the student use to get away with skipping their zoom lecture?
"My dog ate my computer."
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︎ May 13 2020
Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?
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︎ Mar 17 2020
Is a class on cannibalism
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︎ Jan 16 2021
What do talks, lectures and jokes on Reddit all have in common?
They are all free speech!
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!
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︎ Nov 22 2017
My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling
So far, I find it very boring
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︎ Dec 28 2019
Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.
He kept calling the professor a quack.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
We were having a biology lecture about Pavlov's dog
We laughed and we laughed then the bell rang and we all went to the cafeteria
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︎ Nov 10 2019
I forgot to prepare for my lecture today.
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︎ May 01 2019
Today's class
Me: What's today's Criminology class on?
Friend: Cannibals.
Me: (gasps) A Hannibal Lecture!
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︎ Nov 04 2020
How do mathematicians lecture their children?
If Iβve told you n times, Iβve told you n+1 times!
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︎ Jun 01 2019
That time I beat my dad at his own game. In the middle of a heated lecture about not joining my friends' shenanigans, dad said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
"Two Wrights do make an airplane."
"I'm proud of you. You're still grounded though."
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︎ Feb 02 2018
Why are ancient history lecturers boring?
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︎ Mar 04 2019
What do you call someone who learns to draw from online lectures?
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Lecturer hit us with this one
A duck got a job at a farm, where there was a chicken who ran the place. The chicken was delighted to have the duck join his crew, he personally took the duck around the place and introduced him to all the other farm animals. At the end of the tour the duck asked a question.
Duck: Is there anything I should avoid doing here?
Chicken: Don't cross the road, you'll never hear the end of it.
Bonus: http://blog.rafihecht.com/files/2013/02/chicken-crossing-road.jpg
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︎ Apr 10 2014
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:
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︎ Mar 17 2019
I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.
It was a PowerPoint presentation.
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︎ Dec 28 2018
When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
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︎ Jul 24 2018
My wife said that I should read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.
Iβm too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
In college, I always fell asleep during my βIntro to Marxismβ lectures.
I found it hard to achieve class consciousness.
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︎ Apr 30 2018
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Why isn't there any asparin in the jungle?
Because the paracetamol.
-One of my college lecturers, just now
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︎ Sep 11 2020
In lecture this morning my professor...
My professor was talking about Barbara McClintocks work on corn kernel genetics. He stops all the sudden and says "her work really is not all that a-mazeing." He then proceed to look around to see if we laughed, Which almost no one did, cleared his throat and went back to lecturing.
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︎ Nov 06 2013
My doctor lectured me that drinking too much coffee would make me have to pee a lot.
At first I was really concerned, but then I realized it was just dire rhetoric.
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︎ Jan 08 2017
Electronics lecturer dropped this beauty on us
Discussing electrical current and he introduced us to Kirchhoff's current law.
"This is Kirchhoff's current law. I don't know what his previous law was, but this is the current one."
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︎ Aug 07 2014
My wife lectured me on how she could improve my tighty whities if she turned them into long johns.
I asked her to keep it brief.
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︎ Jan 27 2018
I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today.
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︎ Aug 17 2017
Listening to an accounting lecture when the professor drops some dad puns...
>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work?
>
At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!
I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture....
>Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work?
>
At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!
Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...
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︎ Oct 09 2013
This is what happens when a lecture goes a little too long...
imgur.com/HdoHf
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︎ Nov 19 2012
What is the worst animal to deliver a lecture?
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︎ Dec 03 2016
One of my classmates dadjoked a whole lecture hall today
We are in medical pharmacology right now and are starting a series of lectures on chemotherapies. My professor begins the lecture by saying "Who's ready to learn about cancer drugs?!"
This guy gets on the mic, and says, "I'm more of a Libra drug kind of guy."
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︎ Apr 29 2015
What so you call it when a boring chemistry teacher starts a lecture?
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︎ Oct 22 2015
Dadjoked by lecturer
Talking about particle detectors he asked the audience what gases were used in them. No-one has a clue.
"So... I guess that's hard to gas"
I was the only one laughing.
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︎ Mar 21 2015
Dadjoked my lecturer
The whiteboard is always a mess from the previous class and every week my lecturer has been getting more and more annoyed that the previous guy doesn't clean the board after use.
This morning as he begrudgingly stepped towards the board he sighed and asked the heavens, "when will be the day that I stop having to wipe this board?"
I said to him, "I think the writing's on the wall Professor."
I got one cackled laugh amongst many groans
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︎ Apr 16 2014
What do you call a classroom lesson on serial killers?
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︎ Mar 19 2020
In my Neuroanatomy lecture today. Professor: "Are you familiar with the nucleus ambiguus?"
My loud response: "It's ambiguous!"
crickets
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︎ Nov 06 2015
Teacher mentioned specialist who would massage one's aura in a lecture on holistic medicine...
..."I could really go for an aural massage right now" I said.
I didn't realize I'd spoken aloud until I felt everyone silently staring at me.
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︎ Jan 09 2017
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No Time.β
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︎ Aug 30 2020
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 30 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Dec 17 2018
When the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Sep 22 2019
After the lecture was over, I asked my physics professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Oct 26 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Jul 14 2019
My wife insisted that I read βPride and Prejudiceβ, but I said no.
Iβm too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will lecture me.
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︎ Mar 14 2020
My wife asked me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.
Iβm too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will try to lecture me.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
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