I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.

It's left me scratching my head to be honest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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I just bought a Monopoly set which has no instructions,

What are the chances?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ May 23
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Following instructions to make mayo

Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir

Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davis_Schina
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squachee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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As per government instruction, to minimise the spread, I'll be auctioning off bags of water for the next 14 days.

Not sure why I've been forced to sell ice so late.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maloolalay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
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I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.

It was easier said then done.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...

Where there's a will, there's a whey.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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On the instructions of my ready meal it says "Rest for 5 minutes once cooked".

But I'm not tired at all.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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Just following instructions
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zergreport
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What do you call the set of instructions that makes the internet work?

An AlGoreRithm

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssulliv20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Assembly instructions not included.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EquivalentCherry3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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I once got an origami set without instructions

I didn’t know what to make of it

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acuppakim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...

Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheweduproach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Even though Math is a median of instruction, teachers can be really mean. Sometimes they enjoy students going into range mode.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KenJethro43
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I gave the art restoration people very simple instructions

If it ain't baroque, don't fix it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said β€œremove cap and twist up bottom”

It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FartRipper67
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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A complete set of instructions for riding an escalator:

Step 1.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.

He must be too dense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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My wife got an instruction during warm-ups from her at-home workout program to switch feet.

Me: I didn't realize you had more than one pair.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StChas77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Got a new deodorant stick today. Instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

I can barely walk, but every time I fart the room smells great!

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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I was making furniture with Braille instructions

It was really hands on work.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfutchy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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I just bought a Monopoly set, but there aren't any instructions...

...I mean, what are the chances?!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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Christopher Nolan was giving his composer cooking instructions.

"Hans, simmer."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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If you pick up a road traveler with an instruction manual for his Samsung phone...

...isn't that book the hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy?

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rock_fact
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I refuse to write instruction booklets at work.

I hate manual labor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdEE
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Cooking Instructions

Decided to cook myself a steak for dinner so I text my dad "how do you season steak." My phone autocorrected "steak" to "streak" without me noticing. My dad responds with "You wait until the summer when it is warmer." It took me far too long to realise what he was talking about.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabbidcow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Driving Instructions

So yesterday I was giving my dad directions while he was driving and I told him to take a right at the next light. The street he happened to be turning onto was called Dwight so he answers back:

"At Da wight?"

Yes dad....

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weramonymous
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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My dad's response to a simple instruction

My family has a whatsapp group. We are discussing flight arrivals. My brother sends his flight info and the conversation moves on.

Dad: Brother, when do you reach? Mom: Look above Dad: I only see the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?

β€œMake queso, number one.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SabinCrusades
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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