...or Google vegetables?
2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job
Cuz they have the necessary ELEMENTARY education.
Blatantly stolen from my Uncles Facebook page (link in comments):
Uncle: I'm proud of myself. Instead of goofing off this summer, I chose to go back to school and better myself. I enrolled in a course and have spent the past few weeks in intense study, finally passing the final exam today with a score of 100% - a score that I'm pretty sure they don't see too often. It's not often that I toot my own horn, but this time I think I really deserve it. Thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal!
Friend: Congratulations! What subject?
Uncle: It was Traffic School. Speeding ticket. The system wanted me to fail.
So today in school we were went on dates with energy (we were given a random energy and fact about them) so I said "I sure hope I get geothermal because then they'd be hot...
One of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style.”
I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: “Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.” “Are you sure?”
“Ye
... keep reading on reddit ➡I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
Bison
He was the centaur of attention.
He is a real Ace of Spades
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
Don't worry, he woke up.
Names.
"There's one!" he yelled. "Look, there's another one right there! And another over there!"
He walked home that day.
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
I never thought trying to avoid cooties would be the most useful thing at this stage of my life.
Either way, he is cross training.
There was a new girl from Kentucky in his class. He asked her "how's the fried chicken?". Long story short she gave him her phone number. I'm so proud and still laughing 😆
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Told her if they did, I didn’t see them.
He said he got an "eh".
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
The correct answer was blood vessels.
....or, am I a really bad teacher ?
To make Budweiser
I said, “Yes, but I was part of the control group.”
Everything he reads there is higher studies.
he had seven c's
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Bison
Son: “no dad, we’re walking late.”
Me: "Yeah!!! It's a scarf. "
Edgycation.
Because it was a little coffee.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.
.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
Bison
