My new pencil sharpener came with a good set of instructions.
It was full of useful pointers.
I bought a DIY table today. There were no instructions.
It was counter intuitive.
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
He followed the instructions word-for-word
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
My dad gave me standing instructions to not scare him on halloween
Well, it is invalid as I was sitting.
I just bought a Monopoly set which has no instructions,
My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?
Following instructions to make mayo
Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir
Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!
My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.
It was easier said then done.
My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...
Where there's a will, there's a whey.
Assembly instructions not included.
On the instructions of my ready meal it says "Rest for 5 minutes once cooked".
But I'm not tired at all.
Just following instructions
I once got an origami set without instructions
I didn’t know what to make of it
Even though Math is a median of instruction, teachers can be really mean. Sometimes they enjoy students going into range mode.
As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...
Most of what I say to patients is ingest.
What do you call the set of instructions that makes the internet work?
A complete set of instructions for riding an escalator:
I gave the art restoration people very simple instructions
If it ain't baroque, don't fix it
Got a new deodorant stick today. Instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"
I can barely walk, but every time I fart the room smells great!
What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
“Make queso, number one.”
Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.
My wife got an instruction during warm-ups from her at-home workout program to switch feet.
Me: I didn't realize you had more than one pair.
I was making furniture with Braille instructions
It was really hands on work.
If you pick up a road traveler with an instruction manual for his Samsung phone...
...isn't that book the hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy?
Christopher Nolan was giving his composer cooking instructions.
I refuse to write instruction booklets at work.
Cooking Instructions
Decided to cook myself a steak for dinner so I text my dad "how do you season steak." My phone autocorrected "steak" to "streak" without me noticing. My dad responds with "You wait until the summer when it is warmer." It took me far too long to realise what he was talking about.
Driving Instructions
So yesterday I was giving my dad directions while he was driving and I told him to take a right at the next light. The street he happened to be turning onto was called Dwight so he answers back:
"At Da wight?"
Yes dad....
My dad's response to a simple instruction
My family has a whatsapp group. We are discussing flight arrivals. My brother sends his flight info and the conversation moves on.
Dad: Brother, when do you reach?
Mom: Look above
Dad: I only see the roof!
I bought some dandruff treatment, but it did not come with instructions.
It left me scratching my head.
I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.
I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said “remove cap and twist up bottom”
It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!
I just bought a Monopoly set, but there aren't any instructions...
...I mean, what are the chances?!
What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
“Make queso, number one.”
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