Lays-agna
Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.
I like him. I think he is a mason.
Sew boring!
Underlay underlay!
We were out the back gardening, he’s lying in a lounger with his top off.
“Son, I thought we were here to work?”
“Dad I’m working hard….. on my tan!”
I’ve been out dad joked by a 7 year old 🤦♂️
>!Birthday gif's.!<
A tier-minator
I think it’s a pyramid scheme
It's because they can never be too revealing
he answered "oh you know, just screwing around"
Hello! I need some assistance!
My daughter’s band teacher always makes a pitch at the end of concerts for parents to treat their kids to ice cream. We want to thank him at the end of the year by making him a custom ice cream flavor from a friend who has an ice cream business.
I’m trying to think of a name for it that is a pun involving instruments. We don’t know what flavor yet so I’m really just brainstorming right now.
So please give me your best ice cream/instrument puns. :) Thanks in advance!
And then I saw her face
The slow, boring process and often unfulfilling result leaves them very grout-chy
they are so full of themselves.
People cry when you cut up onions.
After everybody went up, there was somebody who took an extra that was on the table. I've seen many thieves in my life, but this one takes the cake.
Handy
Now I’m homeless
It's a gilt-E pleasure.
I had to beat him off with a stick, just to get him off. (fuck yall this joke is gold)
A Rap-Scallion
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The look of disappointment is heart breaking when I tell him that I can actually see him.
But pickle jokes? Those are my bread and butter!
My dad and I were watching a baking show last night and they were making a layered pastry. He says “they are making damascus” to which I reply “Well I suppose you could call it DOUGH-mascus”. He laughed, mission accomplished!
“Lettuce spray…”
Greetings Reddit. This isn't your classical dad joke, but I bet that this sub definitely has some memers versed in this particular art. I have an odd but noble request. A request that will probably involve you abandoning some of your morals and going to lengths that you never thought possible. Some of you may not survive this, others will be scared for life. For those of you who do survive, all I can promise is an absolute abundance of vicarious comedic climaxing.
I am looking for the most complex, well-executed, strategically sound, stealthy, and grandiose ligma joke of all time, one that my friend will not see c(u)oming. He is very, very well-versed in ligma jokes, so this will be a difficult task. For example, just today I tried to get him with a Europe joke (Europe on this dick), but he caught it right away, didn't even flinch. I got him with a Samir joke a few weeks ago (Samiring these nuts on your face), but that's the only recent success I've had (really had to tee that one up too). I even asked him if he wants to hear about the new girl I'm talking to named Wilma (Wilma dick fit in yo ass) AND HE DIDN'T EVEN RESPOND.
As you can see, I'm at war with an absolute psychopath who is extremely well-versed and capable in this particular style of warfare. I'm looking for a complex ligma joke that he will never see coming. I will go to great lengths to achieve this sweet comedic release. I am talking about some pepe silva level shit. I am talking fake my own death just to jump out of my casket at the funeral type shit. So, please send any recommendations. Before you call me a normie, this war is based on layers and layers of irony.
When it exploded, everyone in the room left with tiers in their eyes!
So, last week I volunteered to be a chaperone for my youngest's overnight trip to science camp. A lovely 4 days and 3 nights in early spring in southern MI.
It was raining last week, rather heavily. As such, I layered up when running the kids around to their various places to be. I had an undershirt on, a long-sleeved shirt, and my jacket.
When it was time to get ready for bed, my youngest noticed that I had an undershirt on underneath my long-sleeved shirt and asked me why I had two shirts. I told him it was so I would be layered up and dry underneath the layers so I would stay warm.
And closing with, "and if I hadn't worn the undershirt, I might have become.... Pop Sicle."
Needless to say, my plans were foiled
I wrap things in five layers of icing and put a cherry on top.
related. Oops. 🤦
A pair of curtains? What is it?
They're large pieces of fabric that covers up a window. But that's not important right now.
This is also known as multicasking
I soon learned he was not to be trifled with.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
To 45 it
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