Multi-layer pun (x-post from /r/tumblr)
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AliceTheGamedev
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElizaWolf8
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19
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Not to brag, but I think I came up with a good joke about the Ozone Layer.

[depleted]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09
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I once fought a man over his multi-layer cake.

I soon learned he was not to be trifled with.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jedinate6
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05
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Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ramzert
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29
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Man I worked hard on this for my first post, it has LAYERS
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theadhdgift
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22
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I thought of a great joke about the Ozone layer yesterday.

[depleted]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07
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I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16
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a:) accidentally broke one of the earths layers!

b:) which one?

a:) dismantle

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/geeth707
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23
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The key to staying warm is lots of layers
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22
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My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.

They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BigFootV519
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10
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Quilton toilet paper becomes one layer after they

Monopolised the industry

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MogolianShrimp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07
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This has got layers

https://imgur.com/a/njc6LLf

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dromedasl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...

They found him gilt-y.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04
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Mom said I should dress in layers for the cold weather...

Now where am I going to find hens for this task?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06
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Iโ€™d like to tell my lasagna joke here,

...but itโ€™s multi-layered and way too cheesy

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PapaMammatus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08
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How do you make toilet paper have more layers?

You multiply them.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AngelVaruh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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I noticed 2 large bumps on my car battery.

I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says itโ€™s terminal.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CodyClay1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19
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I'm layered, like an onion -

Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justryingtokeepup
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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Do you know what happened to the Ozone layer?

[depleted]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/school-yeeter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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What is an opinion without 3.14?

An onion.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nikoklis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03
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The old egyptians used to bury their pharaohs in several layers of coffins

This is also known as multicasking

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ancientmob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Continue with this trend!!

I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isnโ€™t Swedened. ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช I felt like I could Italy food in my house. ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thebitlifelover
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14
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A daughter asked her father, "Why are they called shoes?"

The father said it was a very old story about two inventors named Johnson and Hues. One day Hues was working feverishly on his latest project and talking to himself out loud. Unfortunately for Johnson, his project was not going well and Hues' constant chatter was getting on his last nerve. Suddenly, Hues lept from his chair in excitement and said "I finally did it!" "I finally invented a protective layer of apparel to be worn on the feet!" Johnson was a timid man that never attempted to stifle Hues' talking, but he was about to snap. At last, Hues cried out one last time to himself "...but what shall I call them?", to which Johnson finally retorted, "SSSSHHHH, Hues!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Arkangel_Ash
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28
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Why did they add 2 more layers of defense to Fort 43?

To 45 it

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paperarrow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I got fired from my job as a brick layer...

Apparently my work wasn't good qWALLity

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/J24cihpsd
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2019
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A group of German geologists recently made an interesting discovery within a mountain range of northern Italy

The team unearthed a layer of rock tessellations resembling a violin as viewed from behind.

As of yet they have no name for this strata variance.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Raidenisme
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12
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I met a really nice person yesterday. We talked while he cut and layered stones.

I like him. I think he is a mason.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LIN88xxx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Want to hear a joke about the ozone layer?

[depleted]

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EricICX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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One good thing came from Corona. I got gas for a 1.39 today.

Unfortunately it was from taco bell

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fonehome769
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 16
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What did the mexican carpet layer tell his boss they need more of?

Underlay underlay!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/harrygarth
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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TIL that deposits of hard dried skin are called corns

This means the layers of skin I pull off of those areas are corn flakes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/basmith0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Why did John's bed have two layers of memory foam?

In case the first one forgets.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/uniquenesss
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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I got my son a new jacket for this winter.

He didnโ€™t like it, so I asked him why.

He said, โ€œI donโ€™t feel very cool in this jacket.โ€

I replied, โ€œExactly! So whatโ€™s the problem?โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lukarate
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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What do you call a Mexican carpet layer?

Underlay underlay!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Qennedy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
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A roof layer goes to the Doctor...

The doctor says "The results are in, and, I'm sorry, you have shingles"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CaptainMatthias
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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With everything you read about spray cans and the ozone layer

it's enough to scareosol to death.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBeerded
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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What language do they speak at the center of the earth

Core-ean

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JAEAerbest
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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You thought other puns were bad? Just wait until you sea mine
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/adityakr082
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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A duck walks into a bar after a long day of work on a building site

He hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness , the bartender says "WOW! A talking duck" he is very surprised but gets him his sandwich and pint anyway

The next night the duck comes in and hops onto a barstool and asks the bartender for a club sandwich and a pint of Guinness, the bartender says "WOW! I wasn't dreaming about the talking duck, he came back again" and gets him his sandwich and pint

Once again the duck comes back again the next night and orders his club sandwich and pint of Guinness, the bartender is fairly normalised to the duck now and gets him his sandwich straight away

Over the next week the duck comes in everyday and gets his regular order of a pint of guiness and he and the bartender become good friends, one day the bartender saw an advert for a circus on his way to work. When the duck comes in and orders his club sandwich and pint of guiness the bartender tells him about how he would do great in the circus. The duck

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alexoherlihy25
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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When is a car not a car?

When its turning into a driveway.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IWant2BeThatGuy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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LIFE HACK: Name your next child something normal.

Me: Are you still mad that your mother and I named you Life Hack?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/analytik
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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"You're like an onion," said my wife.

"You have to peel back the layers to get to know me," I replied.

She said, "No. You're small, round, you make me cry and you stink."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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So I dadjoked the hell out of my dadjoking boss

My boss is a good guy and a good boss, but he always says the same 5 or so jokes (he has two young kids). Anytime he pulls up to a job that we've been working on its "you aren't done yet?" or its "great job, but why are they upside down". Every time someone walks up to a job they get a loud "shhhh, here they come". I can go on and on, he has comedy routines for almost every situation.

So that's what I have to deal with.

Last weekend he took a mini-vacation, and brought me back a bottle of hot sauce (I'm something of a heatseeker) and the bottle was layer with all sorts of sexual innuendo that it'll get you hard and great at sex.

The other day I send him a text message around lunch time that only said "I have to go to the emergency room." Not 30 seconds pass and I get a phone call from him.

Boss: "What happened?"

Me: "Well, this morning I put some of that hot sauce you gave me on my eggs, and I've had an erection lasting more than four hours."

Boss: dryly "Ha. Ha. Haaa."

Meanwhi

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ejh3k
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I think my girlfriend might break up with me.

Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/koreanpopstarrain
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgivin

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/M3gaC00l
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My mom asked my dad to check the bacon

Mom: check the bacon in the oven

Dad: still bacon!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Draked1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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I got double dad joked by my 6 yo

My daughter was riding her bike while I was brisk walking next to her. After a few minutes, I told her that I was tired.

She goes "Hi Tired, I am two tired"

๐Ÿ˜‘

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chanderjeet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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My anthro professor had a good one today...

So today in anthro we were discussing what methods are used in dating fossils and fossil sites. We started talking about using rock layers to date and he said "this reminds me of one of the colleagues I had. He was pretty young and when ever we had our get togethers he would bring this beautiful woman, different every time, that always turned out to be his cousin. Anyways this method is an example of relative dating."

There were a couple laughs and one audible groan.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BombXIII
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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I was sitting on the sofa with my wife last night, when I said, "Honey, you remind me of an onion."

She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"

"No."

"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"

"Nope."

"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"

"Nah."

"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"

"No, no and no!"

Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"

"You smell like an onion!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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Dad joked my sister the other day!

We were eating breakfast at the dinner table

Her: Wow, onions are really growing on me.

Me: You should really have a doctor check that out

She gave a little chuckle and I was extremely proud :)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imflyforawhiteguy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2015
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Welcome, I am the supervillain Dr. Cake

Welcome to my layer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thefizzynator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
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[Meta] the ancestry of this sub

these are all real. Some are made by me, some are not (ones with an "*" are mine.).

/r/NoPuns is a sub where posting puns will get you a ban.
/r/NoNoPuns is a sub for people banned from /r/NoPuns.
/r/NoNoNoPuns is a sub for people who weren't. *
/r/NoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where puns are mandatory.
/r/NoNoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where requiring puns is banned. *

A good pun is like a good cake: it has many layers. Subreddits are the same.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IronedSandwich
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2016
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My best puns!
  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

  1. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CORALGRIMES357
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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My Dad watching a contestant on a quiz show

The quiz show round was to name famous people named 'Roger'. One of the clues was 'Swiss tennis layer who won 17 Grand Slam titles between 2003 and 2012'. The male contestant guessing the names was very camp and when he guessed the name my Dad commented "I bet he'd like to Roger Federer".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chrisisisms
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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A Russian Nesting doll and a Barbie doll were having an argument about Ken, who they both liked.

The Russian nesting doll said "I've got so many more layers to me than you, honey."

Barbie didn't care though. It was a cheap shot, and as she pointed out, "At least I'm not hollow on the inside."

And Ken was laying her every damn night anyway, so the original statement wasn't strictly true.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JamesDavidsonLives
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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It's a good thing they're taking care of this clown issue...

It was starting to effect the bozone layer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/unique_username1988
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
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It's Snow Joke

I was shoveling the driveway with my dad and I asked him how close to the pavement we have to get, and he tells me that he's going to leave the bottom icy layer for the sun to finish clearing it. To which he adds, "and you're the son!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LamePunslinger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Not really a 'joke' per se, but my dad's take on 'Let It Snow', from Southern California

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niรฑo, el niรฑo, el niรฑo

It doesnโ€™t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niรฑo, el niรฑo, el niรฑo

Weather patterns donโ€™t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niรฑo, el niรฑo, el niรฑo

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/maryfuckingpoppins
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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So my Dad got out of the shower.....

He turns to me and says "Hey, what is the best way to care for a layered haircut?" I said I didn't know and he responds with..... "No more tiers shampoo."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hephtyvulcan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
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Healthcare Dad Joke from today

We use these red sliding sheets to help transfer patients from the operating table to their trolley (they're widely used in hospitals and care environments for various patient manual handling tasks). For those who are unfamiliar, it's basically a double layered, frictionless sheet you position under the patient in order (theoretically) to transfer them with minimal force and effort.

One particular colleague hates them, and today ranted:

"I would love to punch the guy who invented these and has probably made millions of pounds and retired"

To which someone immediately responded:

"I bet he's a right slippery character though".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/machschau
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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My brother was telling us about this character from a TV show that he likes...

The character's name is Onion.

Me: I can see why you like that character. Sounds like he's got many layers.

Dad: Yeah, but the problem is he's got really thin skin.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dramusic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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Tortured the trivia night host.

Question: How many layers are there in the atmosphere. Team answer: 5

Host: You guys got it right! How did you know that? Me: I pulled it out of thin air.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Foster_Reddit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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Card Pun

The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.

"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.

"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.

"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "

"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"

Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."

Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dragonmind
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2015
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Showed my Dad the pic making fun of Rihanna's deep Birthday Cake lyrics. This was his response.

I texted the picture making fun of Rihanna's Birthday cake lyrics from /r/funny and he responded:

"Cake can be deep, depending on how many layers."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fourfourjew
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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Finally achieved greatness.

I was shaving off layers of my work boots' heels since they were worn in on one side, causing pain when walking.

After I finished I showed my wife the bits of rubber, "My Boots are heeled"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CalRaen
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Proceed with caution: joking about wife's butt.

Wife: (commenting on the state of her posterior, obviously a delicate topic) "It wouldn't be attractive if I had a 100% muscular butt: it's a good thing I make a little layer of fat to smooth it out and make me look feminine."

Me: "Well, you never do anything half-assed."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vesvvi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Dense dad

The glass had two different colored layers.

Me: " Hey check out the tea I"m steeping"

Dad: "It must have different dense-i-teas"

Stressed exactly like you think it sounds.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/eabigyear
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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I had a good joke about the Ozone layer.

[depleted]

๐Ÿ‘︎ 105
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 26 2019
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