It's a gilt-E pleasure.
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
When it exploded, everyone in the room left with tiers in their eyes!
Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries.
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
But I will recover.
Mark my words!
[depleted]
Needless to say, my plans were foiled
They're nuts!
[depleted]
I soon learned he was not to be trifled with.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
I'm a bran ambassador.
b:) which one?
a:) dismantle
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Monopolised the industry
Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.
They found him gilt-y.
Now where am I going to find hens for this task?
This is also known as multicasking
[depleted]
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡To 45 it
Because in winter you can keep adding more layers until you are warm but in summer you can only take off so many before you are arrested
I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.
Underlay underlay!
...but it’s multi-layered and way too cheesy
In case the first one forgets.
it's enough to scareosol to death.
I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. 🇨🇿 Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. 🇷🇺 I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isn’t Swedened. 🇹🇳🇬🇷🇸🇪 I felt like I could Italy food in my house. 🇮🇹
[depleted]
Apparently my work wasn't good qWALLity
I like him. I think he is a mason.
[depleted]
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡How is one supposed to dress hens and duckettes?
