Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
Sometimes you just gotta do it.
Friend: What's with all the self discipline and religious tendencies?
Me: For the ascetic
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
Just thought of this, Hope it is worthy of this sub... What do you call a walking talking pear tree?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Are French speaking people celebrating 420 as well? Or do they just call it 80?
Never let anyone tell you what can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he wouldn't make it as a musician.
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
Why do they just call it “the Zoo”?
Maybe it’s because the rest is so logical...
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
Me: What did you do at work today? Dad: Just did some shitty design. Me: Can I see it? Dad:
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
Found this gold just now, do you c it?
Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
All the dads who are just trying out a new beard and think they don't look good with it, do not worry
My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?
Is it just me, or do people like to single themselves out?
What do you call a vegetable that cooks slimy, and it is just okay, not spectacular?
My sister just walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to do it
I said, "Well, if you incest"
My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...
I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.
I've decided just to leave my hair alone and let it do what it wants.
I've adopted a laissez-haire policy.
How do you find a blind guy at a nudist colony? Just look around - it isn't very hard.
So my dad was trying to park his car, but he just couldn't do it. I asked him what was he doing.
Where do you find an Egyptian who had just learned of the decline of its empire?
From my dad this morning: What do you call a cow who just recently had its baby?
dad got a comment that his longer hair made him look like Ben Franklin. so he grew it out a full year just to do this for halloween...
imgur.com/UdCUb85
it'll do that...my friend just dropped this one
me: I accidentally added Poison by Alice Cooper to my Christian playlist...I'm dying
him: Poison will do that to you.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
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