Sometimes you just gotta do it.
Friend: What's with all the self discipline and religious tendencies?
Me: For the ascetic
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
..."No, Ken do"
I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
Just thought of this, Hope it is worthy of this sub... What do you call a walking talking pear tree?
A Pear-Ent
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Are French speaking people celebrating 420 as well? Or do they just call it 80?
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
Never let anyone tell you what can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him he wouldn't make it as a musician.
But did he listen?
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'
Why do they just call it “the Zoo”?
Maybe it’s because the rest is so logical...
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
Me: What did you do at work today? Dad: Just did some shitty design. Me: Can I see it? Dad:
Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
Island.
All the dads who are just trying out a new beard and think they don't look good with it, do not worry
It will grow on you.
Is it just me, or do people like to single themselves out?
My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?
Funset!
What do you call a vegetable that cooks slimy, and it is just okay, not spectacular?
Mediokra.
My sister just walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to do it
I said, "Well, if you incest"
My sister in the US Navy broke her foot, and has to wear tennis shoes instead of boots, to properly heal. She said that they made her buy new black shoes, instead of her normal shoes. She said that it just seemed so petty to make her do that...
I told her that it sounded like a decision that came from a Petty Officer.
I've decided just to leave my hair alone and let it do what it wants.
I've adopted a laissez-haire policy.
How do you find a blind guy at a nudist colony? Just look around - it isn't very hard.
So my dad was trying to park his car, but he just couldn't do it. I asked him what was he doing.
He replied: Parkinson
Where do you find an Egyptian who had just learned of the decline of its empire?
In the Nile.
My Dad just asked me "If you've Reddit, why do you have to read it again?"
From my dad this morning: What do you call a cow who just recently had its baby?
Decalfinated
u/Iowa25 just made an incredible pun on this thread. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. reddit.com/r/movies/comme…
dad got a comment that his longer hair made him look like Ben Franklin. so he grew it out a full year just to do this for halloween... imgur.com/UdCUb85
it'll do that...my friend just dropped this one
me: I accidentally added Poison by Alice Cooper to my Christian playlist...I'm dying
him: Poison will do that to you.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
