I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
It’s weird- I can’t help but talk about footwear every time I sneeze.
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:
Go outside and ride your bike
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
We were talking about reddit and how she doesn't use it. (First time posting here)
My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
Everyday I like to take a little bit of time just kind of set it aside and forget about it
That way by the end of the year I'll have a few days to myself
Every day I like to take a little bit of time,kinda set it aside,and forget about it...
That way,by the end of the year,I'll have a few days to myself.
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
Did I ever tell you about the time I signed up for a marathon but forgot when and where it started?
No? Oh boy, where do I begin?
I was rushing to the hospital because my wife was about to give birth. We didn’t make it there in time and she gave birth to a boy in my car.
I decided to call him Carson.
Boys...I think it's about time I called it a night
I'm an adult now, I can't keep on calling it sleepy snoozies time.
Someone asked me if I knew anything about Sumeria. I said it’s height times width.
I was really confused about why it had been night time for so long..
But then it dawned on me.
Does femail fraud carry the same sentences as mail fraud, or is it about 80% of the time sentenced?
It's about time my scarecrow friend wins an award for his work
He's really outstanding in his field!
It's about time we got some wet grass.
I think it is dew.
(/r/jokes kicked me over here with my humble offering)
I think it's about time we make the number 2 pencil number 1.
It has to be the top pencil by now.
I talk about the song Uptown Funk all the time and always bring it up in conversations.
Don’t believe me? Just watch.
i once had an epileptic gold fish, every time i took it out for a walk it flopped about
Guess it's time I tell everyone what I did when I heard about the nuclear deal in the Middle East
Every day I like to take a little time,just kinda set it aside,and forget about it.
That way,by the end of the year,I'll have a few days to myself!
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