The other day I met a whale who insists he’s the most honest mammal in the world.
But I don’t know... I still say there’s something fishy about him.
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
Why does the military insist on wearing a uniform?
My wife asked me why I insist on measuring our bookshelf when I get home from a night of drinking.
How else am I going to keep my stories straight.
My 7-year old son constantly insists that I use my ballet skills around the house...
He really keeps me on my toes.
Why did the Egyptian man wrongfully insist that he was still on land?
My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it
But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!
My wife insists that I go with her whenever she shops for igneous rock containing quartz and feldspar.
Sometimes I think she takes me for granite.
My daughter insists she is becoming a Southern Belle.
I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.
My wife insists that guys in camouflage look sexy.
So me and Eddie Vedder go camping, but he insists on building the fire
He says “My campfires are better, man.”
Why did the safety manager insist that a big pile of LSD be removed immediately from the factory floor?
He felt it was a real tripping hazard.
My boss insists on face to face communication.
But my only way to work is broken down, and I just can't bring myself to tell him.
I keep getting funny looks when i insist on playing the first level in spanish.
Nobody expects the spanish intro mission
My wife insists that she deserves an extra present this Mothers' day since she is the mum of our pet dog.
Why does the Sun insist on going down at the end of the day?
Every time I visit my friend, he insists that we only listen to electronic dance music.
He wouldn’t techno for an answer.
My wife said, “Why do you always insist on walking ahead of the rest of us?”
I said, “Sorry. I don’t follow.”
Did you hear that Dolly Parton married an artist who doesnt like things blocking doorways, and insists anything that does, should be sold?
I forget his name. I think it was Sellthedoor Dolly
My wife insists that I use the phrase “make love” instead of the f-word.
I said, “What the make love are you talking about?”
My wife insists that yoga is the best form of exercise.
But I think it’s kind of a stretch.
My friend insists on saying jokes about bananas.
I don’t find it appealing.
I insist that the one-sided wall was invented somewhere in Alabama...
Why did the cat insist on baking the pizza?
Why did cat-woman's partner insist on vacationing in Nepal?
Because that's where the cat-man *do*.
My wife insists I try meditating and I finally agreed.
It beats sitting around and doing nothing.
Buffalo would have more success in the NFL if the team didn’t insist on all their players being named William
Dad always insists on getting a pickle with his sandwich.
What do you call a guy who insists on seeing a masseur instead of a masseuse?
My son Fawad insists on playing Li'l Jon at high volume on his computer.
Why do melons insist on big weddings?
Because they just cantaloupe!
When I was little, my dad would ask me and all my friends this one. It took me a long time to realize it made no sense, but he still (15+ years later) insists that it's completely logical.
Q: What's the difference between a duck?
A: One of the legs is both the same.
My wife said, “Why do you always insist on walking ahead of the rest of us?”
I said, “Sorry. I don’t follow.”
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