My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
I dreamt last night I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up..
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.
An english man walks in the suburbs of London, and sees a garden full of bread on towels. He asks a man in the garden about it
"We live in Great Breadtan afterall" responds the man
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
Here we see two birds of prey in full action
Or nuns as they are more commonly clawed
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.
I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"
I thought, "I can't turn that down".
What does an empty room and a room full of married people have in common?
You can’t find a single person in it.
I’m representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.
I’m expecting a long sentence
A baker in my town accidentally fell inside a truck full of French bread.
Said in a field full of large mushrooms
"There's humungous fungus amongus!"
On my death bed I’l request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say ‘may he rest in pees’
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My girlfriend grabbed a hand full of coins and slapped me in the face.
About time she slapped some cents into me.
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.
Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.
I have a friend that's scared of text in capslock, one day a guy sent him a full caps text
I can't belive how bold he was
I'd rather have a full bottle in front o' me...
Than a full frontal labotomy
I used to hate the lockdown in the beginning, but now that I have a full fridge, I am ok with it.
Scientists are calling it the Stock Home syndrome.
A pirate was unable to recite the alphabet in full
When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side
To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?' he said...
'No, just up to your neck'
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden
iPhone developers party was full of clumsy festive drinkers again says Apple in cider
I bet my wife I could form a full sentence out of the noodles in my alphabet soup
What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people?
My pastor friend refused to participate in a Full House themed lesbian wedding.
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
Back in the 80's...I was a teenager full of obsessions, even Phil Collins was one of them. What the hell was thinking back then..
... But hey !! Take a look at me now.
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..
They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.
My dad said the other day, when I was feeling low, 'don't worry it could be worse, you could be in a hole full of water'
Did you guys see that Lionel Messi was detained in Barcelona with a duffel bag full of drugs?
They’re calling him Methi now
What was the full name of Eddie Murphy's character in Shrek?
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought
“I can't turn that down.”
My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up, it could be worse, you could get stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
One of my friends keeps telling me “It could be worse, you could be quarantined underground, in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
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