What do you call a hog who eats all of your weed?

A pot bellied pig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Turntable
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My 10 year old son said, β€œHey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”

β€œSo we can have hamburgers!”

He was serious but it still cracked me up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jch308
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Pincelt nam Hog
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peipr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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A neighbor who's a hog farmer just showed me his brand new enclosures for his piggies...

I wish he'd stop flaunting his new shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What do you call a Spanish speaking hog that asks why?

PorquΓ© Pig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Sonic the bed-hog
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarHouseStudios
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Watch "Word Play Hotel - Foil Arms and Hog" on YouTube youtu.be/q8vzTo70izI
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpar1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Biker on his hog. (repost from /r/atbge)
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syllogism19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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What do you call a hog fairy?

A pigment of your imagination

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxtrotlimazl87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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What do you call a lobster who hogs all the fish?

Shellfish

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoastalResident
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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Friend: Huh, I didn't know Hogs of War came to steam

Me: Sounds boaring.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
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So we were at hogs breath

And they have a stuffed boars head as you enter the resteraunt.

My father quips to the waiter as we are being seated "That must have been going really fast when it hit the wall."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coldspagheti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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What do wild pigs drink?

Boarbon

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
When chrome starts hogging the road as well with slickity slackity rims.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damndomino
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Harley-Davidson has invented a flying motorcycle.

The old bikes will henceforth be known as ground Hogs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thx_tex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
This joke is all wet.

What do you call a laundromat for pigs?

Hog wash!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpeedingEmu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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I got in a fight at the park with a guy who was hogging the playground equipment.

He took a swing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoeticQuality
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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What do you call a pig that can't drive?

A road hog

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
We went camping and heard some motorcycles off in the distance

There must be some wild hogs in the area

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capta1nR3dbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Be sure to buy some Pork Sausage to eat on Sunday

That's the best way to celebrate Ground Hog Day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a greedy clam?

Shellfish

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omnipeasant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Really!? That was a golden opportunity!

Watching the new season of The Chef Show on the Netflix, and in the Hog Island episode, John asks why cheese industry is so big there, and someone replies β€œit’s a beautiful place for dairy, it also it’s just a big dairy area”.

You mean.................................. a dairy-ah?

I’ll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashusK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Why don't wild pigs go to parties?

Because they're boars.

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marble-Boy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Groundhog Day

Happened tonight at a family event.

My brother in law needed to leave early to have dinner with his folks who are notorious for always having some kind of pork for dinner. The rest of the family started joking about if it would be ribs, pork chops, pork tenderloins, etc.

After they stop guessing I make the comment,

Boy all these jokes repeating just feels like Ground Hogs day...

Wife laughed, the in laws groaned. Not sure if I made friends or not πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chetbodet87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Can anyone think of any pig related film puns?

So I do a pub quiz every week with the team name 'Kevin Bacon Stars In...' followed by a pig related film pun such as Boarne Identity, Vanilla Sty, Ham of Steel etc.

It's been about a year and a half now and we're starting to run out so any ideas would be great!

Not sure this is the best place to ask for help but couldn't think where else would be better.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinBaconStarsIn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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What do Bill Murray and a butcher shop that makes pork sausage have in common?

Every day is ground hog day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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How does a farmer introduce his wooden pig?

He says, "This is ma hog Annie."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Opjin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Why did all the animals die of dehydration?

because of the water hogs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flickrfrog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the most common disease amongst wizards and witches?

HogWarts,

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Udjasen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are pigs horrible drivers?

Because they hog the road.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyelandIsland
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you dress up a pig?

With a hog-tie.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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[hustle]

At the end of a long season; two fishing companies got caught up over the last catching nets to supply ingredients to Hog Island's famous chowder... the legendary bustle was later known as the "mussel vessel hustle tussle"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
🚨︎ report
That pig just asked me to do his laundry!

What a load of hog wash!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tymme
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Paradise Island

I was just on vacation in the Bahamas and took a tour boat to Paradise Island. The guide told us it used to be called Hog Island because of all the pigs, but it wasn't a very attractive name.

To solve the hog problem so the island could be developed, the locals killed them all and had a giant barbeque.

One could say they went hog wild. I hear at the barbeque they really pigged out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasamson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who let his pig sleep in his bed with him?

He was tossing and turning all night.

I guess you could say the pig was a real...bed hog.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyMuffin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Got dadjoked by the farmer when we went to visit a pig

My parents invested in a pig, as in we buy it as a baby and the farmer lady fattens it, butcher it, etc.

We went to visit the pig and she gave them their feed and they weren't eating until we were walking away. To that she said:

"They just don't want to look like hogs"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NateY3K
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report

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