I wonder if he's purebred.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bewondered
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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It really is a weakness
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBDawson01
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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You picked a fine time to leave me...
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouCallitCorn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.

Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Did you hear about the dog that was trained in Lourdes?

He had an incredible ability to heel

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearbelly88
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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I got the word β€œOuch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My son asked me if it still hurts.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lildinger68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Went to the Podiatrist yesterday.

He said it’s nice toe meet you

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncumer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My very first dad joke as an actual dad.

On the day my daughter was born Nurse: We're gonna have to give her a few shots in her heel. Me: Her heel?! She's not going to be able to walk for months!

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brickforsheep
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Some heel must have started it.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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What is made of leather, a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydrosFear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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Dad: β€œI like to have my shoes match my pants. For instance, my brown shoes go well with my blue pants and my black shoes go well with my gray pants. My stripper heels on the other hand...”

β€œ...don’t go with anything.”

My dad never makes β€œdad jokes” but, he actually said this yesterday and I’m so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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I named my dog Achilles.

He’s pretty smart, except when I say heel he plays dead.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atruthtellingliar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I accidentally cut off most of my foot

It’s almost all heeled

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lLoopl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I walk a lot and I've developed plantar fasciitis in my right heel

This condition is caused by inflammation of the plantar fascia along the bottom of your foot, and it can cause pretty intense heel pain.

After I got home from work last night I tried to soak my foot in some hot water. My wife saw me and said, "That isn't going to work..."

I said, "Hey! I am allowed to have my ache and heat it, too!"

She just stared at me for a moment, shook her head, and walked out of the room...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurkMcGill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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This is my wife’s first time in heels

She’s reached new heights

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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I dyed laughing at this.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_vasiliss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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I'm a man who likes to drive with high heels on...

I call it drag racing.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Striddy2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied β€œbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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dart joke

Me, playing darts: Ah, that's a prime target

My friend: What?

Me: *throws dart* heel yeah, 13 pts!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got new high heels....

...and since I directly fell in love with them, I had to send a photo of me wearing them to some friends and somehow also my to dad.

I got responses like "You look hot" or "So sexy!".

My dad's response: "You must be so tall wearing them. I guess I know who's getting a helmet for christmas!"

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drakooi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Our local shoe factory burned down last night!

Thankfully there were no soles lost.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neferashu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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A girl told me to take off her shirt and skirt

Then she told me to take off her heels and bra, then she told me to take her panties off. And then she told me to stop wearing her clothes

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yuri-123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend with this today, her 13 year old sister just bought her first high heels.

Her: "she's too young for heels, like where's she going to wear them?" Me: "on her feet"

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roryo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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What do you call a milk man in high heels?

Dairy Queen...

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabrielc0208
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Learning to walk in high heels will keep you on your toes.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImEnhanced
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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I recently tore my Achilles. The doctor doesn't know if it'll heel.
πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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What a carefree puppy
πŸ‘︎ 880
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Algerian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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I went to a drag race last Saturday...

I still can't believe the guy in high heels won.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you have a high heel fetish and see a real nice pair of stilettos?

A shoe horn

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hmhammersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Some say I’m a really good dancer

I tell them: it’s in my sole

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did they say about the couple who had the same shoe size?

They were sole mates

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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My coworker's heels were making loud noises when we were walking up the stairs...

Me: are you stomping?

Her: no, my shoes are hollow so they make a lot of noise.

Me: all shoes are hollow, IT'S HOW WE GET OUR FEET IN!

Her: <rolls eyes>

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franklinbrown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was walking thru the city with stilettos on when a part of one gave out...

She said, "what the heel!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got me pretty hard while I was in heels

I was wearing high heels, which is unusual for me, and talking with two friends when I said, "Hey [Friend 1], I'm almost taller than you!" (I'm a shorty, 5'2")

Friend 2, "Nah Brunchy you still have a lot to go"

Me, "Well then these heels are pointless."

Friend 1, "Yeah they have a rounded front."

She's going to be a fantastic dad one day.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brunchfordinner
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the doctor say to the patient who broke their foot for the second time?

I'll reboot you

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ucom1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor because the back of my foot hurt.

He said it could be months until it heels.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are foot injuries so serious?

... because they take so long to heel.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IgnoranceIsAVirus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with your mother while doing a back flip.

I was head over heels

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Homer had a hard time writing factually.

It was his Achilles heel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My lack of knowledge of Greek Mythology...

...is my Achille’s knee.

πŸ‘︎ 513
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geddy456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I got the word β€œOuch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lildinger68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I once fell in love while doing a front flip!

I was head over heels...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puddlepirate20
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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