Life is a terminal disease....

....and it's sexually transmitted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What's the difference between a filthy Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfdyl12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What’s the difference between an old Greyhound terminal, and a lobster with 36DD breasts?

One’s a dusty bus station & the other is a busty crustacean!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lind-zayy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?

He recently pasta way...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I told my parents I had a terminal illness and they freaked out.

Since when is getting a headache at the airport such a big deal?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadenStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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What terminal illness can you get from ear rape

Hearing aids

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabbe20022
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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We were at the airport and they put us on a bus to move us to a different terminal and my dad yells β€œthis is a funny looking airplane”
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeeLawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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My dad, type 2 diabetic, after 11 months of suffering chemo/radiation treatment for pancreatic cancer, 5 months after he was told the surgery failed and it was terminal. Brother reads off the back of a Sweet'N Low packet "...been determined to cause cancer to laboratory animals" Dad snaps back

"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."

Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude0311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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Where do toy stores keep their Terminator action figures?

Aisle B, back

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvlpdillon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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How does an Italian Terminator say goodbye?

Pasta La Pizza Baby!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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What do you call a missing Terminator actor?

A Sarah Goner

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocoBandicoot99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What would the terminator be called after his retirement?

The Exterminator

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christiescrubbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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How do you catch a flying Terminator?

With a Skynet!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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What do you get when you cross a chicken with The Terminator?

I’ll be bok, bok, bok.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beezkneezsneez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?

Aisle B, Back

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeffer90
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I asked the guy in the store where is the terminator dvd ...

He responded, β€œAisle B, Back”

Edit: wow first silver!!!! Thank you πŸ™πŸΎ anonymous Redditor!

Edit2: my wife doesn’t use reddit. She’s thoroughly enjoying the responses to the joke in the joke jar she created for me and the silver (β€œwhatever those are”). Happy Father’s!

Edit3: https://imgur.com/gallery/5G25Flw wife got me a nice gift 🎁

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_r_i_e
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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What are terminators called when they retire?

Exterminators

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My company has a team of 5 people to tell someone they've been terminated...

It's the firing squad.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Where did the patient stay?

In the waiting room.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spivdaddy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Why did the terminator kill people even after retirement?

He was an ex-terminator

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vdtxdtc_chf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.

She said "Aisle B, back".

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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β€ͺWhy is The Terminator bullet proof?‬

β€ͺBecause he’s Armored Schwarzenegger‬

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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What did the Terminator say to Mozart?

I'll be Bach.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mclovins91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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What did the Terminator say when he decided to become a composer?

I'll be Bach.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I was talking to my girlfriend only to hear that she had never seen the Terminator.

Now they call me the ex-terminator.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I caught the flu at an airport once.

It was a terminal illness.

(Special thanks to my dog's friend's dad for this one)

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKE95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Why do you have to be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs?

You have to be careful that you don’t step in a poodle.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OGFreshmeatlover
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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After Arnie's last Terminator film, he became even more lethal

as an exTerminator

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the computer that caught a virus?

Doc says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaBowserman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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What do you call someone that cancels your appointment?

A disappointment

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MR_Chuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss to donate to support Asian children with terminal illnesses.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a old London bus terminal and a lobster with 36DD breasts?

Ones a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?

He pastaway.

Cannoli do so much.

Now hes just a pizza history.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/helpinglamp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between an old bus terminal and a lobster with implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EtherealCelerity
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
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What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?

The exterminator.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksol88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the terminator find toilet paper?

Aisle B, back!

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Where did the terminator find toilet paper?

Aisle B. Back

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrick_L58
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it terminal

πŸ‘︎ 358
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πŸ‘€︎ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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What does an Italian terminator say

Pasta-lavista

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mooman5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Terminator say when asked about which composer he'd be for Halloween?

"I'll be Bach."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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