So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.

The host says, β€œWhat are you dressed as?” I tell him, β€œI’m a harp.” He says, β€œBut your costume is to small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and tell him, β€œAre you calling me a lyre?!”

πŸ‘︎ 765
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
That one harp never told the truth

He was known to be a lyre

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashnakag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
My best friend called me and said "An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do!"

I drove all the way to his house just to find out he's just a big fucking lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0theoneandonly0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at this electronic music concert and the performer started playing a laser harp.

It was pretty Jarreing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do corrupt politicians learn to play the harp so easily?

They're good at pulling strings.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You should never trust a harp

They’re big lyres.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kelkulus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
About the time I dressed up as a harp to go to a costume party

Another party attendee challenged me, saying "no way is your costume a harp".

I replied, ">!So, are you calling me a lyre?!<"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the baby harp seal order in the bar?

Anything but a Canadian Club.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I met a shapeshifter who said she could turn herself into a harp

She was a massive lyre

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences goes largely unnoticed.
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
At a costume party

Guy 1: What are you dressed as?

Guy 2: I'm a harp

Guy 1: That looks too small for a harp

Guy 2: You calling me a lyre?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Everytime the harpist struck a C chord, it was like they were playing a different instrument..

It was a harp-C-chord.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-neurosis-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, will you pay for my ticket to the renaissance festival?”

β€œSorry, son. I’m baroque”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nonficshawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Costume Party

My dad was really quiet for about 20 minutes (usually a sign that he's concocting a pun) and then spouted out this gem:

Two people meet at a costume party

"What did you dress up as?" "I'm a harp!" "Really? It looks a little small to be a harp." "Are calling me a lyre?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Son0fThunder144
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Costume Party

Host: What are you? Me: A Harp Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Credit to u/IronProdigyOfficial , x-post from r/whitepeopletwitter

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GiboXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lithium91w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old strip

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Went to a costume party

Host: What are you? Me: A harp. Host: Your costume is too small for a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre!?

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RaphaelSmurfus
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.