That costume is too small to be a harp!

Are you calling me a lyre?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lordhillman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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I went to a costume party dressed as a harp. The host said my costume was too small to be a harp.

I replied, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
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What can you attach to a ball, a harp, or a cart to make something completely different?

β€œoon”.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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The Harp Exaggerated How Large It Was...

It was a Lyre

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsABardKnockLife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.

The host says, β€œWhat are you dressed as?” I tell him, β€œI’m a harp.” He says, β€œBut your costume is to small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and tell him, β€œAre you calling me a lyre?!”

πŸ‘︎ 778
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I tried convincing my friends I was a small harp.

But they just called me a lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max-Volume
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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That one harp never told the truth

He was known to be a lyre

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashnakag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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My best friend called me and said "An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do!"

I drove all the way to his house just to find out he's just a big fucking lyre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0theoneandonly0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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I was at this electronic music concert and the performer started playing a laser harp.

It was pretty Jarreing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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You should never trust a harp

They’re big lyres.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelkulus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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Why do corrupt politicians learn to play the harp so easily?

They're good at pulling strings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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About the time I dressed up as a harp to go to a costume party

Another party attendee challenged me, saying "no way is your costume a harp".

I replied, ">!So, are you calling me a lyre?!<"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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I met a shapeshifter who said she could turn herself into a harp

She was a massive lyre

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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What did the baby harp seal order in the bar?

Anything but a Canadian Club.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Costume Party

Host: What are you?

Me: I'm a harp.

Host: You're costume's a bit too small to be a harp.

Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Choice-Ad-4019
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koukasen_np
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences goes largely unnoticed.
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Costume party (from r/me_irl)

Host: what are you?

Me: I'm a harp.

Host: Your costumes too small to be a harp.

Me: are you calling me a lyre!?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derpdefender9001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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At a costume party

Guy 1: What are you dressed as?

Guy 2: I'm a harp

Guy 1: That looks too small for a harp

Guy 2: You calling me a lyre?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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β€œDad, will you pay for my ticket to the renaissance festival?”

β€œSorry, son. I’m baroque”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nonficshawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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Everytime the harpist struck a C chord, it was like they were playing a different instrument..

It was a harp-C-chord.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-neurosis-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Costume Party

My dad was really quiet for about 20 minutes (usually a sign that he's concocting a pun) and then spouted out this gem:

Two people meet at a costume party

"What did you dress up as?" "I'm a harp!" "Really? It looks a little small to be a harp." "Are calling me a lyre?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son0fThunder144
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lithium91w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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Costume Party

Host: What are you? Me: A Harp Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Credit to u/IronProdigyOfficial , x-post from r/whitepeopletwitter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiboXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. β€œTim”, he said, β€œYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Went to a costume party

Host: What are you? Me: A harp. Host: Your costume is too small for a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre!?

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaphaelSmurfus
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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