I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
A policeman pulled me over and handed a bottle of cream...
Apparently I'm a rash driver.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
None of my Co-workers are left handed.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
I'm left handed. You know who else is left handed?
What do cops do when handed a cold case?
They work on it undercover.
I was at a local store buying a shitty old CD for $9.95. When I handed the cashier my $10, he handed me my change and said:
"Here's your Nickleback."
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand store.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick this morning.
She's still not speaking to me.
She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."
I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."
I saw a one handed man go into a second hand store.
There are very few left-handed people on Earth.
But I think that’s all right.
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me- “You gave me one too many”
Shopkeeper- “that one is a freebie”
My coworker handed me a brochure on anger management this morning.
My son needed a history tutor, so I handed him some cereal and a scale
“Time to learn about Chex and balances”
This thing has been handed over
Left handed people are so unfairly marginalised
They don't have any rights.
My sarcastic teacher handed back my final exam..
I was told I was intelligen’t
My wife handed me a bag of dried apricots and I started crying
I really hate being left handed,
They never make products for us! We always get left out.
I told my wife I was going to make her an affogato for dessert and then handed her this.
I was caught read handed in the Library.
Do not trust left handed people
After my director friend finished shooting his scene, I handed him a sandwich.
How are one handed people so independent?
Because they do everything single-handedly.
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
I told my wife I was going to make her an affogato for dessert and then handed her this:
"I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it," A doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby.
The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."
If two right handed people kill eachother who’s left.
I hate watching left handed quarterbacks throw
It just never looks right
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.
He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
Y’know, one would have been enough.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I once saw an one handed man in a second hand store
I said to him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for sir.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
"you know, one would have been enough"
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick this morning
I think she's mad, because she still hasn't spoken to me.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.
She still isn't talking to me
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
You know, one would have been enough.
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