What do you say when your sister steps on your foot and breaks your toe in half?

That's mitosis

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedGandalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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When I was 2 my sister was half my age, I’m now 70, how old is my sister?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/starwars-kid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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My half sister just got a really bad infection just like me...

She's my Sepsis

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackwhitworth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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If you have a half-brother or sister your dad is a magician.

They saw people in half all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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I have a half-sister.

Shark attacks are brutal.

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ‘€︎ u/youessbee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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What do I call my half sister?


πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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Sister passed half of a two part test...

Sister: "I passed half of my two part exam!" Dad and I at the same time: "congr!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekraft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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I hope this is allowed here


πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/rikeus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
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I come from a family of failed magicians.

I've got two half sisters.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamizander
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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This Happened Today at Dinner

*sister takes out the trash but doesn't replace the trash bag*

Dad: "hey do you have a whole butt?"

Sister: *blinks* "what?"

Dad: "do you have a whole butt? or do you have a half butt?"

Sister: "uh I am pretty sure a whole butt..."

Dad: *points to trashcan* "then why did you half ass the job?"

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ‘€︎ u/amiyawatkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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Not so much a Dd joke, more a Grand-Dad joke.

When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.

After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".

He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.

Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptainOats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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The magician placed my sister in a β€œmagic box,” and then β€œsawed” her into two

Now I have two half-sisters.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My Dad was very close to a legendary long-con dad joke.

My name is Sam. My younger sister is two and a half years younger than I am. My dad was going to name her Ella so we would be Sam & Ella (Salmonella) but my Mom caught on and named her something else. He was so close!

I wouldn't have been mad at all, such dedication is worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 220
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaidTheBear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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She should have gone to Africa

My half sisters were telling my dad about how his ex-wife just had surgery to replace both knees.

Dad: "She should have gone to Africa"

Sister: "Africa, why?"

Dad: "Because that's where the negro"

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinking
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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I love my dad's humor

My parents are heading up to NY on vacation together. We have a group text that has my parents, my wife and I, my brother and his fiancee, and my sister. All day, half the family has been traveling for either work of vacation, so there have been a lot of texts about when people have boarded their flights or landed at their layovers of destinations. After 2 hours without any texts, here are the latest two texts we all got:

Mom: We got to NY!

Dad: Glad to hear it!

(remember, they're traveling together. Oy)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattProducer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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Got my wife with a classic when she was telling me about her friend.

My wife was talking about her friend one day and said, "yeah, she has two half sisters."

To which I responded, "so she has 1 whole sister??"

There was much groaning.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wtayjay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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Is this considered a dadjoke?

My sister and I are watching the Australia-Netherlands WC game and she suddenly asks,

Sister: What's the capital of Netherlands? Me: Amsterdam. Sister: Hungary? Me: Starving.

It's half past one and my sleepy self is so proud of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ‘€︎ u/Other_Vader
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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Made my dad proud with this one

Sister: Dad, I cut my electric bill in half this month.

Me: You know, you should really just pay those things instead of cutting them up.

Out of my whole family, my uncle and my dad were the only ones to laugh. haha

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ‘€︎ u/offbeatlj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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My own joke caught me off guard.

My sister was complaining that all she could buy for underwear was ugly ones because she has wide hips even though the rest of her is skinny. I wasn't really paying attention and said "aw yeah..that's a bummer."

She looked at me like "oh haha very funny." I was confused for a half a second until I thought about what I had just said.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/seaweed_is_cool
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Harry Potter dad joke

My dad and sister were discussing how they watched Harry Potter the half blood prince today and my dad said,

"Well I only saw half of it so I guess it was only the quarter blood prince"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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Every time my dad brings a friend to dinner

Whenever my dad brings me and my brother and sister and our friends out for a meal, he always mentions "these 3 get whatever they want but that guy? He's not mine so, if you have maybe a half eaten plate or some meat you dropped on the ground, just bring it to him" Every time.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vwr32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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"I found the heavy metal."

My sister and I were cleaning our basement to prepare for a party. Half of it is the entertainment center, and the other half is open space. Our dad tends to use it as a workshop when we're not hosting parties.

As we're putting away tools and sweeping up, my sister calls out, "Hey, I found the heavy metal." I thought she meant my CDs.

When I turned around, she was holding a 2"x6" rectangle of metal. And it was heavy.

And I groaned super hard.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/kayneargand
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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My dad dropped this on my sister today

Sister: Walking out of the store today i had this conversation with my 2 and half year old daughter "we are going into a parking lot you need to hold my hand."

Her kid proceeds to grab her own and and says "I am good. I am holding my own hand."

My dad Smirked, Dad: If Holding hands is what is important, who cares which hand it is, right?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/obievil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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