True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
What do you call it when you accidentally miss the exit for your camp ground?
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
My wife dropped a tofurkey on the ground
I said it's now called a tofloorkey
The Theory of Plate Tectonics is on pretty shaky ground.
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
Don't you think the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?
(I saw this in a youtube video by Mishkali titled "Attack on Titan Dad Jokes" I'm not sure if she made the joke herself, but credit goes to whoever did.)
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.
That well escalated quickly!
What did the ska band say when they threw their mic on the ground?
pickitup pickitup pickitup!
There's a benefit concert for dolphin conservation at the camping grounds
It's for all in tents and porpoises
I hired someone to dig a hole in the ground to get water...
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
What do you call a hallway on the ground
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
Today, I asked who left their cold-smoked herrings on the ground at the market but no one answered.
I was cleaning the coffee filter and forgot to rinse the grounds down the sink.
My wife comes up and asks me why I forgot to clean the sink. I said “What? Am I grounded?”
A rare picture of ground in its natural habitat
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
Gulag was Putin the ground
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
Can we stop circulating the same jokes over and over into the ground.
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
Ground coffee
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
I just read about the most ground breaking invention in the history of humanity
I gave my wife some ground chickpeas and she choked to death.
The cops are treating it as a hummus-cide.
Ground breaking inventions
Technically everything on the ground
We found a dolphin skeleton on the beach, so we ground the bones to make some bread...
It was all-porpoise flour.
I dropped my laptop on the ground, and it broke!
I guess it didn’t have much HP.
My kid cried when his soda fell on the ground.
What do you call frozen ground beef?
I keep being awakened by dreams of Indian dishes that use a complex combination of spices or herbs, usually including ground turmeric, cumin, coriander, ginger, and fresh or dried chilies...
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...
He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
My son kept chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently, and conducting himself properly
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
