I was caught by a grandfatherly stranger
We were sitting in a waiting room and he decided to break the ice.
Stranger: "It's a great day for the race."
Me: "What race?"
Stranger: "The human race."
Out with my grandfatherly coworker for a beer
The last day of work before the holiday shutdown, an older coworker and me went out for a beer after work. The waitress brought us out bottles and asked "Would you like glasses?" to which he pulled out his safety glasses and said "No, we're covered."
She looked at him, shook her head and walked away.
My grandfather just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
Know what my grandfather said to me, right before he kicked the bucket?
"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he kicked the bucket
"Do you wanna see how far I can kick that bucket?"
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me..
"Would you stop shaking the fucking ladder?!"
I asked my grandfather if he was enjoying his new stairlift
He said he hates it, it’s driving him up the wall
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
I put my grandfather's ashes In a new container recently.
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was, “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
I have an antique globe that belonged to my great-great-grandfather.
It meant the world to him.
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
Why do they call it a grandfather clock?
The last thing my grandfather said to me before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
My grandfather lived for 96 years & he never used glasses.
He directly drinks from the bottle.
What do you call a cranky grandfather?
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?
My grandfather died after eating too many gingerbread houses last Christmas.
Doctors said it was munch housin’ syndrome.
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?
"Look Grandpa, no hands!"
I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood
Turns out it was a Type-O
When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not like the people screaming in his car
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
The last thing my grandfather told me was “It is worth spending money on good speakers.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.
He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo
When I die, I want to go out peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
I asked my grandfather how he was enjoying the new stairlift that was installed in his house.
He said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.
He said, “I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
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