A gold ore walked into the bar...

The bartender yelled β€œAU, get outta here”

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlamingNinja925
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

AU!

πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_8_my_pasta_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle while I was digging for gold.

Just a miner injury.

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Old Gold
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I love GOLD , but *A* is silent in it!#chem punsΖͺ(˘⌣˘)Κƒβ”Œ(β˜…ο½β˜†)β”˜
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AromaticAd9528
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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This is gold
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I just joined an online site for gold miner dating.

My first search for a mate brought no matches, but did give me plenty of prospects.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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How do gold fishes get old?

Take away the G

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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No need for gold. I'm fine with silver(ware).
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApologeticKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"

I said as I was taking away his dental implant.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur without gold?

A dinosr.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyExplores
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A youth soccer team that won gold at a tournament also stopped a thief that same day.

And he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninety-five95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
i saw some joke about gold

it was Ausome

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigGayDinosaurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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There’s a sailor who is always finding fool’s gold

We call him the iron pirate.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Since the very beginning, man has been panning for gold and using it as trade.

Our ancestors called it the prime-ore-deal soup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanicle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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The gold standard
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A fog rolled in and turned my car into gold!

Must have been an alche-mist.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I think about this way too much but I think it's comedy gold!

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunnitt625
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What do you call a gold prospector in the Southern Hemisphere?

An Au-stralian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordTrollsworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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A child was slightly injured while digging for gold

Not to worry, only Minor Miner Injuries

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Why panning the river in my brain, this lil' gold nugget came to me.

What do you call a Dinosaur that knows everything?

A herd-it-before!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yolosute
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What did the old man tell the monkey that dropped a bar of gold ?

A u dropped a banana.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I was having problems with my tools while digging for gold.

They were miner technical difficulties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyond_hate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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People keep bothering me at work, while I dig for gold

I'm just mining my own business

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I enjoy eating gold sprinkles with my meals.

I like rich food.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RioZX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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An underage gold digger is a miner
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afieif
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what to say to get gold’s attention?

Say A U

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainIsBouncing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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How do you turn soup into gold?

Add 24 carrots

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
(old but gold) When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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If you find gold in Australia, where do you look for silver?

Agstralia.

πŸ‘︎ 850
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What did the scary old woman say when she found a gold cauldron?

I’m gonna be witch.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Old but gold.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rihardz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.

It was a stirring tribute.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Comedy gold
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yorkshireboii156
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
These puns are pure gold
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LetherG420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a kid that searches for gold in a cave?

A minor.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinateUniverse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.

I thought β€œwow, that’s pretty metal.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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Got some 24 carrot gold right here 😎
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellaAir
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
This whole thread about a guy who smuggled eels is gold.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Gold walks into a bar

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkunzler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salman_R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you greet gold?

"Au."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury!!

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle digging for gold

Just a miner injury

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.

The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.

πŸ‘︎ 682
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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