My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
People keep bothering me at work, while I dig for gold
I'm just mining my own business
I pulled a muscle digging for gold
An underage gold digger is a miner
Do you know what to say to get gold’s attention?
(old but gold) When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent...
How do you turn soup into gold?
When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.
It was a stirring tribute.
What did the scary old woman say when she found a gold cauldron?
At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.
I thought “wow, that’s pretty metal.”
I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.
...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.
Cleaning your cat's litter box is a lot like sifting gold except for 1 thing
the prize is a lot crappier...literally.
What do you call a kid that searches for gold in a cave?
I told my pirate friend with a patch to watch for a letter I sent him that reveals the site of the gold...
He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.
In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.
Everything was comedy gold.
This whole thread about a guy who smuggled eels is gold.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
If you find gold in Australia, where do you look for silver?
Got some 24 carrot gold right here 😎
I bought some gold, but I was fooled.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden
A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.
At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.
One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.
The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.
The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.
In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.
A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.
The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.
After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.
The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."
Put some white gold in my nose tonight
Two ply charmin for my nose bleed. Never felt richer.
This account is gold @lackinhumor
What is more valuable that gold?
I stubbed my toe against a gold bar
So Gold walks into a bar.
Bartender says Au get outa here.
"Do you prefer silver or gold?"
That's a serious gold rush
Advertisements are a gold mine
A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...
Why can Kylo Ren be seen driving Gold Carts around Hoover Dam
Have you heard the joke about the gold metalic woven fabric?
I ain’t sayin she a gold digger
but she did migrate to California in 1849.
No matter if you like him or not, the last sentence is gold
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
I have some deep-seated regret for covering my organs in gold.
I have internalized gilt.
Two gold fish are in a tank, One says to the other
"How do you drive this thing?"
What does a gold digger say to get someone’s attention?
Cozy mysteries are a gold mine
Should I turn my daughter into gold?
Being made out of gold, in fact, this is not like the other grills
Not everything that glitters is gold.
I met a magical little man who couldn't carry around his pot of gold because his fingers kept falling off.
A walking treasure chest full of gold grabs a random man and hands him over to a polite redditor. Redditor says:
Thank you for the stranger kind gold
This entire thread is gold.
Why did the rapper get gold teeth?
He wanted to put his money where his mouth is
I just found out that my wife is a gold digger.
So now we're celebrating her new career as an industrial miner.
If you eat gold,
You're an Au-full person.
I went to renew PlayStation Now but accidentally got Xbox Live Gold. Any advice?
Found this gold just now, do you c it?
Did you hear about the two wealthiest gold mines that went on strike?
What do call a dinosaur without gold?
Bolt crosses the Finish line to win another gold medal [2016]
While some say reddit posts don't affect your future, getting reddit gold is really...
Au-spicious.
While this joke is bad, I doubt you've reddit before.
[OC] Why do rappers wear all that fake gold on stage?
My brother told me this gold today
What do you do when things are not going right?
Go left.
My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was Goldschläger
I was impressed that my cousin had won a Gold Medal, until I found out that they were just raffling off bags of flour where he worked.
So someone stole the miner’s gold,
He said “Au! Get back here with my gold”
I pulled a muscle digging for gold
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
How do you turn stew into gold?
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
I bumped my elbow digging for gold.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
My friend Ty came first in a swimming competition in Beijing, but he wasn’t given a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Two gold fish are in a tank and one goes:
So, how do ya drive this thing?
If you find gold in Australia where do you look for silver?
How do you make soup gold?
2 Gold fish in a tank....
One gold fish says to the other; do you know how to drive this thing??
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