I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it it forever
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︎ Oct 09 2020
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, โYou should go visit Italy in late August.โ
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
We all know about Murphyโs Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Coleโs Law?
Itโs thinly sliced cabbage
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Did you hear about the pay as you go toilet in space?
The price was gastronomical!
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What do the vicugna pacos family say when they are about to go on a vacation?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I tried to talk to my daughter about her chicken nuggets obsession, it didn't go well.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
My dad was telling me about his doctorโs appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Everyone knows about Murphy's Law where anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's mostly made of cabbage.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I keep thinking about how fun it would be to get a couple friends and go out to the lake. Maybe rent a pontoon boat.
I dunno, Iโll float the idea by my brother.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Me: how about we both decide to go to the carnival?
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︎ Jun 27 2020
How would a socially awkward adult go about emerging from a lair of eternal loneliness?
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︎ Nov 19 2019
About to go mow the grass after getting stung by a bee
Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"
My stuff is out on the street
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︎ Nov 25 2019
Normally if I have a problem, I like to go and think about it on the local carousel.
It usually helps, but I feel like Iโm going around in circles
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︎ Nov 26 2019
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...
And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.
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︎ May 08 2017
(Question/advice) Subway accidentally gave me the wrong sandwich in the drive thru, how do I go about getting a refund without my receipt?
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︎ Aug 31 2016
I could go on and on with jokes about fruit
I have O'range of good ones but they all juiced s'grape the surface.
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︎ Apr 10 2019
I was about to go on an all-almond diet
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︎ May 24 2019
My pregnant wife was complaining about feeling like a blimp, so I said she should go swimming.
That way she could feel like a submarine
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︎ Aug 16 2019
Johnny is in class learning about animals and the teacher asks, โcan anyone tell me what other name for dwarf goats go by?โ Johnnyโs hand shot up:
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︎ Aug 01 2019
I've opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.
I've named it Jehovah's Fitness.
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︎ Jan 16 2019
Did you hear about the young BDSM member that had to go to court for abuse, but was let off on a technicality?
The judge said he was just a whippersnapper.
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︎ Aug 15 2019
Where do people from Alabama go to find out about their family tree?
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︎ Jun 26 2019
About the time I dressed up as a harp to go to a costume party
Another party attendee challenged me, saying "no way is your costume a harp".
I replied, ">!So, are you calling me a lyre?!<"
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︎ Oct 09 2018
How do one armed people go about the it daily routines?
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︎ May 12 2019
Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to church?
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︎ Sep 01 2016
Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party?
He had no-BODY to go with.
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︎ Feb 04 2019
I was worried about the crackdown, but the egg police said omelette you go with a warning.
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︎ Apr 29 2018
Did you hear about the pirate whose mom wouldnโt let him go to the movie?
The movie was rated arrrr
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︎ Feb 25 2019
Did you hear about the road where all the crazy people go?
Apparently its a psycho path
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︎ Jun 15 2018
Shit's about to go down!
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︎ Dec 30 2016
I went to go see a movie about an emo
I'd say it was cutting edge
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︎ May 13 2018
I want to go to Florida, but I'm worried about that tzatziki virus.
I heard it makes you falafel.
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︎ Mar 22 2018
Did you hear about the rooster that was afraid to go skydiving?
I guess you can say he was too chicken to do it
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︎ Aug 26 2016
Didja hear about the brewer who put off his deliveries to go to a vineyard?
He was sittin' on the bock of the day, tastin' wine.
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︎ Aug 03 2018
I'm a teacher. This last weekend, I was invited to a seminar about how to correct spelling mistakes in Braille. I didn't go.
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︎ Nov 14 2017
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︎ Apr 06 2015
After we had our baby the Nurse was like โbefore you go home you have to watch the video about shaken babies
I told her, no need. I already know how to shake them.
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︎ Mar 05 2018
The worst thing about Obama leaving office is that I can no longer go into a coffee house and order a "President"...
A tall, black, skinny Americano
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︎ Nov 26 2016
My friends were arguing about which roller coaster to go on next at the amusement park. When they asked for my opinion, I told them I didn't care.
I was just along for the rides.
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︎ Sep 30 2017
We all know about Murphyโs Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong
But have you heard of Coleโs Law? Itโs thinly sliced cabbage
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︎ Oct 16 2020
We all know about Murphyโs Law โ Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Coleโs Law?
Itโs thinly sliced cabbage.
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︎ Mar 07 2020
We all know Murphyโs Law means anything that can go wrong will, but what about Coalโs Law?
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︎ Feb 12 2018
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