How do you sell a chicken to a man that's deaf?

You say "HEY YOU WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?!?"

My personal favorite. I love to tell it at quiet events. Weddings, church service, funerals.

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👤︎ u/gymrat7110
📅︎ Sep 03 2019
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Apr 24 2014
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A friend of mine who worked at a movie theater died yesterday...

The funeral service will be held tomorrow at 4:15, 5:20, 6:40 and 7:30.

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👤︎ u/YDAQ
📅︎ Mar 13 2019
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