Too much cursing.
$5,318,008
People in glass houses shouldn’t get stoned.
Yard Art is strictly prohibited.
It was a selfee.
... they got in trouble for using sham poo.
But it turned out to be spam.
Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
Something just doesn't add up.
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!
..6 months, 15 days, 9 hours, and coming up to 12 minutes..now
Until Jesus went to go get a glass of water
It changed everything
Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.
thatsthejoke.jpg
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
I hope you scrolled past that.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
The doctor says I’m fine but I feel like I dyed a little inside.
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "¡Eso sí que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
She did not hold Up well.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
A good buoy
No hard feelings.
Fined dining.
So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.
I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.
When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...
Same ssh -t different server...
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
But when I hug and kiss their kids it’s suddenly a lawsuit.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Only a fraction of people would get this.
But only a fraction of people understand this.
Only a fraction of people know this
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Only a fraction of the people will get this joke
Between a numerator and a denominator.
