Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
..6 months, 15 days, 9 hours, and coming up to 12 minutes..now
It changed everything
Until Jesus went to go get a glass of water
Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!
Too much cursing.
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
I hope you scrolled past that.
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
She did not hold Up well.
A good buoy
No hard feelings.
Miss Lead!
..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
Dad: “No, thanks. The carton is fine”.
$5,318,008
I wanna commit suislide
You can see it in the middle of the "B"
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
It’s finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
But only a fraction of people understand this.
Only a fraction of people would get this.
Only a fraction of people know this
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of the people will get this joke
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
