Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
Alright.
Did you hear about the man who had his left hand cut off ?
He is alright now.
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked “what’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”
Me: How are you? Them: I'm alright.
Me: No you're not, you're half left!!!!
My late dad's favorite joke!
Mom: "Are you alright?" Me: "Yes I am...
Alright guys, which is the best name for a llama? (All pun based)
Alright listen up, because I’m only going to say this once
Alright now this is too far
You know, cardi b looks alright
But her cousin cardio... now she really takes my breath away
(A friend told me this when we had school and Jesus did it make me chuckle)
Alright this is a pun isn’t it
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - “what’ll you have?” Bear says “I’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says “alright. Say what’s with the big pause?”
Bear says “oh these? I was born with em.”
If you cut both your left hand and legs, you'll be alright
I made this up today hope its alright here
Went to the bird store today
Went to the cage section and one caught my eye.
It was way over priced and all It had was a penny, dime, quarter half dollar in it.
I asked why it was so much?
The manager said because it was a nickel-less cage.
Typing the word milk is alright.
That’s all I got and I did it in like four different posts.
I regret nothing.
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"
I said "No, son. I'm half left."
Do you want me to say my Van Gogh joke? You do? Alright then...
Went to one of those artisan pizza places. The cheese and sauce were alright.
Alright people i will not hide it anymore, i love one.
What number do you love ?
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company
The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON
Alright I got two bangers here
Dad Jokes are great and all, but I'm more into Sun Jokes. They're a little st-upiter and talk about Uranus a lot, but they're equally funny.
I went to practice my joke routine at a cemetery recently. The audience was really lifeless. Except for this one guy, he had a really deadpan laugh though.
When you ask a dad if he's alright.
Doctor: “Alright, it looks like we’re ready to deliver the baby.”
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
Alright students, let me see your Lab report.
My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him, "Hey pop, you alright?"
I knew he had snapped back to reality, at least in his world, when he replied, "No, I’m half left!”
Neighbor: hey, would it be alright if I stored my boat in your yard?
It's a Civil War era iron-hulled gunboat. Would that be too much of a burden?
Me: I wouldn't call it a burden. More like a hardship.
I went to the zoo today where I saw a baguette behind the bars out of curiosity I asked the zoo keeper if everything was alright he replied
“Yeahh mate no problem it’s bread in captivity”
The caretaker walked into a class room and all of the kids ran out screaming. Concerned, he asked the teacher if the kids were alright. She replied...
Alright, I'm just going to come right out and say it.
Two antennas got married on a rooftop. The service was alright,
But the reception was great!
Coach: Alright team, let’s get in formation.
Me: Sure coach. Information about what?
Coach: You’re cut.
I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling -
I said - "Definitely not - I play basketball by the rules"
My daughter had an accident, and i rushed to the hospital to see if she was alright. The doctor told me that she is on surgery right now and i have to be patient.
I told him : My daughter is the patient, now answer my question please.
I asked my dad if he was alright
He said no, he was half left
Son: “Dad, are you alright?”
Dad: “No, I’m half left and half right.”
Son: “Dad, are you alright?” Dad: “No, I’m half left and half right.” Happy Father's day!
A co-worker asked me if I was alright
I told him that I’m half left too
Son: Dad are you alright?
“Are you alright, dad?”
“Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”
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