Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..

..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My new vacuum cleaner is alright.

It doesn't suck as much as my last one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Alright.

Did you hear about the man who had his left hand cut off ?

He is alright now.

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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked β€œwhat’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”

I told him; β€˜Surgery’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BostonFan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Me: How are you? Them: I'm alright.

Me: No you're not, you're half left!!!!

My late dad's favorite joke!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nefarious102
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Mom: "Are you alright?" Me: "Yes I am...
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ni_ko_98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Alright guys, which is the best name for a llama? (All pun based)
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bed_dweller
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Alright listen up, because I’m only going to say this once

This once

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thabigQ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Alright now this is too far
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gigavern
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You know, cardi b looks alright

But her cousin cardio... now she really takes my breath away

(A friend told me this when we had school and Jesus did it make me chuckle)

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohm_B
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Alright this is a pun isn’t it
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - β€œwhat’ll you have?” Bear says β€œI’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says β€œalright. Say what’s with the big pause?”

Bear says β€œoh these? I was born with em.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut both your left hand and legs, you'll be alright
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hzardous_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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He was schooled alright
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaukorchaddi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I made this up today hope its alright here

Went to the bird store today Went to the cage section and one caught my eye. It was way over priced and all It had was a penny, dime, quarter half dollar in it. I asked why it was so much?

The manager said because it was a nickel-less cage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Disturbed56
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Typing the word milk is alright.

That’s all I got and I did it in like four different posts.

I regret nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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O m g alright
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rypper12345
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"

I said "No, son. I'm half left."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Alright
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yamishta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you want me to say my Van Gogh joke? You do? Alright then...

Ear goes.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to one of those artisan pizza places. The cheese and sauce were alright.

The bread was sour dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Alright people i will not hide it anymore, i love one.

What number do you love ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Merg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company

The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BF1gamerz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Alright I got two bangers here

Dad Jokes are great and all, but I'm more into Sun Jokes. They're a little st-upiter and talk about Uranus a lot, but they're equally funny.

I went to practice my joke routine at a cemetery recently. The audience was really lifeless. Except for this one guy, he had a really deadpan laugh though.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyrus_Leo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When you ask a dad if he's alright.

"No, I’m half left.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/circle_of_lyfe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œAlright, it looks like we’re ready to deliver the baby.”

Me: β€œActually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twist-17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Alright students, let me see your Lab report.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him, "Hey pop, you alright?"

I knew he had snapped back to reality, at least in his world, when he replied, "No, I’m half left!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œDad, are you alright?” Dad: β€œNo, I’m half left and half right.” Happy Father's day!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gauravvaria93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Neighbor: hey, would it be alright if I stored my boat in your yard?

It's a Civil War era iron-hulled gunboat. Would that be too much of a burden?

Me: I wouldn't call it a burden. More like a hardship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo today where I saw a baguette behind the bars out of curiosity I asked the zoo keeper if everything was alright he replied

β€œYeahh mate no problem it’s bread in captivity”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaseNStatham
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married on a rooftop. The service was alright,

But the reception was great!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Alright, I'm just going to come right out and say it.

It.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mewfasa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
The caretaker walked into a class room and all of the kids ran out screaming. Concerned, he asked the teacher if the kids were alright. She replied...

β€œNo. They all left!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleOld
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Coach: Alright team, let’s get in formation.

Me: Sure coach. Information about what?

Coach: You’re cut.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling -

I said - "Definitely not - I play basketball by the rules"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plausibl3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Kid: are you alright?

Me: No, I'm half left

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemacd42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if he was alright

He said no, he was half left

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pakistani_pizza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œDad, are you alright?”

Dad: β€œNo, I’m half left and half right.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0untdown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A co-worker asked me if I was alright

I told him that I’m half left too

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brescious
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad are you alright?

Dad: No I'm half left

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œAre you alright, dad?”

β€œActually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
"Are you alright?"

"No, I'm half left."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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