Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school..
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
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︎ Apr 15 2021
My new vacuum cleaner is alright.
It doesn't suck as much as my last one.
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︎ May 13 2021
Alright.
Did you hear about the man who had his left hand cut off ?
He is alright now.
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︎ May 01 2021
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
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︎ Jan 28 2021
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Me: How are you? Them: I'm alright.
Me: No you're not, you're half left!!!!
My late dad's favorite joke!
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Mom: "Are you alright?" Me: "Yes I am...
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Alright guys, which is the best name for a llama? (All pun based)
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︎ May 10 2020
Alright listen up, because Iβm only going to say this once
π︎ 19
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Alright now this is too far
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︎ Apr 12 2019
You know, cardi b looks alright
But her cousin cardio... now she really takes my breath away
(A friend told me this when we had school and Jesus did it make me chuckle)
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︎ Jun 17 2020
Alright this is a pun isnβt it
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - βwhatβll you have?β Bear says βIβll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.β Bartender says βalright. Say whatβs with the big pause?β
Bear says βoh these? I was born with em.β
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 18 2020
If you cut both your left hand and legs, you'll be alright
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︎ Jan 21 2020
He was schooled alright
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︎ Apr 11 2020
I made this up today hope its alright here
Went to the bird store today
Went to the cage section and one caught my eye.
It was way over priced and all It had was a penny, dime, quarter half dollar in it.
I asked why it was so much?
The manager said because it was a nickel-less cage.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
Typing the word milk is alright.
Thatβs all I got and I did it in like four different posts.
I regret nothing.
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︎ Feb 18 2020
O m g alright
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︎ Jan 24 2020
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"
I said "No, son. I'm half left."
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Alright
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︎ Sep 18 2019
Do you want me to say my Van Gogh joke? You do? Alright then...
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︎ Jun 14 2019
Went to one of those artisan pizza places. The cheese and sauce were alright.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 15 2020
Alright people i will not hide it anymore, i love one.
What number do you love ?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company
The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 24 2019
Alright I got two bangers here
Dad Jokes are great and all, but I'm more into Sun Jokes. They're a little st-upiter and talk about Uranus a lot, but they're equally funny.
I went to practice my joke routine at a cemetery recently. The audience was really lifeless. Except for this one guy, he had a really deadpan laugh though.
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︎ Dec 05 2019
When you ask a dad if he's alright.
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︎ Sep 22 2019
Doctor: βAlright, it looks like weβre ready to deliver the baby.β
Me: βActually, weβd like him to keep his liver.β
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︎ Nov 24 2018
Alright students, let me see your Lab report.
π︎ 38
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︎ Mar 23 2018
My dad was looking a little discombobulated, so I asked him, "Hey pop, you alright?"
I knew he had snapped back to reality, at least in his world, when he replied, "No, Iβm half left!β
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︎ Jan 16 2018
Son: βDad, are you alright?β Dad: βNo, Iβm half left and half right.β Happy Father's day!
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︎ Jun 16 2019
Neighbor: hey, would it be alright if I stored my boat in your yard?
It's a Civil War era iron-hulled gunboat. Would that be too much of a burden?
Me: I wouldn't call it a burden. More like a hardship.
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︎ Aug 04 2019
I went to the zoo today where I saw a baguette behind the bars out of curiosity I asked the zoo keeper if everything was alright he replied
βYeahh mate no problem itβs bread in captivityβ
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Two antennas got married on a rooftop. The service was alright,
But the reception was great!
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︎ Sep 19 2018
Alright, I'm just going to come right out and say it.
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︎ Aug 29 2018
The caretaker walked into a class room and all of the kids ran out screaming. Concerned, he asked the teacher if the kids were alright. She replied...
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︎ May 23 2019
Coach: Alright team, letβs get in formation.
Me: Sure coach. Information about what?
Coach: Youβre cut.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling -
I said - "Definitely not - I play basketball by the rules"
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︎ Nov 12 2018
Kid: are you alright?
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 21 2020
I asked my dad if he was alright
He said no, he was half left
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︎ Mar 02 2020
Son: βDad, are you alright?β
Dad: βNo, Iβm half left and half right.β
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 14 2019
A co-worker asked me if I was alright
I told him that Iβm half left too
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︎ Jun 24 2018
Son: Dad are you alright?
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︎ Sep 17 2019
βAre you alright, dad?β
βActually, technically, Iβm half left and half right.β
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︎ Mar 27 2018
"Are you alright?"
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 14 2019
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