Finely Puns

But in Germany, it's the wurst.

Slawvic

Yeah, and only a fraction of you will find this funny.

At some point, we'll have to draw the line

It was an expensive self fee.

No tres passing.”

Turns out he was wearing slippers.

It was a stock exchange.

A punch line.

Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke

But it turned out to be spam.

Because she littered.

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

Something just doesn't add up.

and memory loss.

The pharmacist says “but you’re a duck, how are you going to pay for that?”

The duck says “it’s fine, just put it on my bill”

He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”

..6 months, 15 days, 9 hours, and coming up to 12 minutes..now

Until Jesus went to go get a glass of water

It changed everything

Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.

Tried tequil himself.

Too much cursing.

Because it's funds.

I hope you scrolled past that.

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instruments—but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the line—and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

She did not hold Up well.

The history of Canada, Chapter 1: The Beaver

national symbol of Canada and a "dam" fine hat

It was in a great community, we put in a very aggressive offer, and took 2nd place. My wife was demoralized, as she had been picturing our future children, upgrades she wanted to make, and how perfect our lives would be together there. I asked if she was ok, and she said, “I’ll be fine”

I said, “Then I’ll be Dandy”

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Only a fraction of people know this

Only a fraction of people would get this.

But only a fraction of people understand this.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Only a fraction of the people will get this joke