My friend is addicted to felling trees

He says the more he tries to cut down, the worse it gets

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DyslexicAlan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aikijo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!

I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muddoo7887
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife: "I accidentally fell asleep while grading my student's projects."

Me: "I guess everyone's getting Z's"

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Matthew McConaughey say when everything fell out of his Reuben?

All rye, all rye, all rye

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FermentToBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.

Must be from my Uncle Ben.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pengu_62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....

I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 973
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.

I'm a Bored Again Christian.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff

Ba-dum-tss

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SSSpartanII
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.

Now he's my father-in-slaw.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A Norwegian fell down a canyon...

It was a Fjordian slip.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just gonna leaf this here
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalRuncle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...

Wrong post

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKiwiBlitz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking down a hill and fell down.

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lightguyneb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When the local carpenter was asked what it was like when he fell through a window?

He said,” All I felt was pane.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mydogisadoglol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A book just fell on my head

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?

He woke up oily in the morning

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GitShiggles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep before New Years

Then Woke up in another year

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wienerbuttnipple
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy who fell into a well?

Manwell.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A copy of A Christmas Carol fell on my toe!

It hurts like the Dickens >_<

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.

I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kristhebrown
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Badwolfgyt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the poor detective say when he fell into the endless pit?

β€œI’m never going to get to the bottom of this.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwmimms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was stacking wood and a piece fell and tried to hit me

He was all bark and no bite

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof and fell in love

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell into a large vat of curry....

Was in a korma for a month.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter

I guess some people cant stand jokes

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OshriM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage!

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to tell a joke about apartments but it fell flat
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
She fell in love with an archeologist

Her future in now in ruins

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If you fell off a ladder, what would you fall against?

Against your will.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister fell in love with a welder.

She got burned

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My toes fell asleep after I wore shoes that were too small

They're now comatose

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor

Ground beef

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWeirdLama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.

It's in A flat minor.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPeteO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
She fell in love with a gardener

She got planted

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
She fell in love with a proctologist

Got the ass end of the deal

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , β€œbury me with records galore”

It was his vinyl resting place

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister fell for a musician.

She got played

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What is big, green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A snooker table

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RACOON_IN_MY_ASS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about the baby.

The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.

Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.

Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can’t believe it’s not better.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week

And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_a_problem69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A pool table!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A book fell on my head today.

I blame my shelf

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoolSharkPete
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A book fell on my head...

I only have my shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VesuvianLime
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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