I feel like this meme fits in here.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."
Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"
I feel like this year was all about butts and twerking
You know what they say, hindsight is 2020
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor:- Pull your self together!
You know what feels like it should be fair but isn't?
Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like I’m dadding well:
Son: “I hate crumbs.”
Me: “That’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”
Son: “Well I don’t want to eat them.”
Me: “And they don’t want to eat you.”
Son: “Crumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”
Me: “What if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”
Son: “And I’d say you’re ducking weird.”
I went to the doctor and said, I feel like a bucket
Doctor said, you do look a bit pale
I feel like my cold room is watching me.
It’s sending chills down my spine.
What does it feel like to get hit by a wave frequency?
Do you feel like a thing that is borrowed, especially a sum of money that is expected to be paid back with interest?
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.
I feel like when a quadriplegic tells me he is running late
Some days you feel like falling apart.
I used to feel like a man trapped inside a woman's body
I feel like a doctor
I’m running out of patience
What Do Gordon Ramsey's Calf's Feel Like After Running A Marathon?
Do you ever feel like someone is watching you?
I once tied myself to a tree to see what bondage feels like.
Turns out I was just a sad sap.
I feel like I am living in a Abbott and Costello inspired dream..
-WHO wants you to wash your hands.
-Who does?
-Yes
-Who wants me to wash may hands?
-Yes, WHO wants you to wash your hands and practice social distancing.
-I don't know who. My mom?
Even though my baby poops a lot, I feel like the life lessons he’s been teaching me are invaluable.
Feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm....
Day 57 of quarantine. We re doing fine so far, but this all feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm.
Pretty Sir Eel here.
If you ever feel like a single person can't change the world.
Then you've never eaten an undercooked bat before.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like the first president.
Because I’m Washing-a-ton
I feel like I have no control over my body
Want to know what disappointment feels like?
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I feel like I'm gonna choke a person one of these days by joking at the dinner table
And then get jailed for 12 months just for a man's laughter.
Me : "Doctor Doctor, I feel like a deck of cards"
Doctor : "Sit down, I'll deal with you later"
An oyster says to her boyfriend " I feel like I can really open up to you."
Patient: every day I feel more and more like a cartoon rabbit
Doctor: you have a bad case of updoc
Patient: what’s updoc?
Doctor: this is more serious than I thought
I just don't feel like I click with others in this sub
I'm always doing it by myself. Since you're here, you probably do too :P
Some days I feel like I'm a teepee...
Other days I feel like I'm a wigwam. Maybe I'm two tents.
Credit:Jeff Pickering
Ahhhh, so this is what hindsight feels like.
Happy new year of 2020 jokes!
Wow you know what this feels like?
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl"
I feel like this counts..
Every time someone leaves and tells me they're gonna go jump in the shower I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Whenever I see a girl I like with another man I feel prisoner to my emotions and spend a night in jailousy
Whenever I go to a Apple Store, I feel like a three year old at a candy shop.
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Then pull yourself together
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
